Wednesday, May 25, 2005
The Daily Suckie - May 25th, 2005
Happy Wednesday to you all! Welcome to today's edition of the Daily Suckie. It's a new day, which means TSD's favorite sportswriter has created yet another batch of toxic waste. Let's get to it shall we?
As always, you can find today's edition of the Quickie here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
In today's Quickie, we are treated to:
Rush to judgement: As expected, Shanoff has completely counted out the Suns after their loss to the Spurs on Tuesday night. This would a great time to rip on him for his blatant fairweather posturing, but he already did this after game 1. As stated in Monday's crap ass column, "And Spurs-Pistons? Like going to the dentist. But if Sunday's West opener (and Monday's Shaq uncertainties) are any indication, that's where we're headed." (not to be an ass, but nice grammar there. If Sunday's West opener ARE? No wonder you have a job writing for ESPN. Great work) There is no doubt that the Suns are in serious trouble. But this is the same guy who completely counted out the Mavs in their first round series after they lost the first 2 games at home. In other words, he only needs 1 or 2 games to "figure out" outcomes in sports. Why even play the rest of the series?
Stupid Statements: "The Spurs holding the Suns to 108 points is like holding other teams to under 80. But dropping them twice in Phoenix is like ending the series." So "holding" the Suns to two points under their regular season average is like holding other teams under 80? Uhh, as far as I know Shanoff, there wasn't one team that was averaging 82 points or less this season. Actually I know this because I took a second to look it up (New Orleans average a dreadful 88.4 a game). I tend to base my perceptions and opinions on factual information, as I don't enjoy sounding like a complete sensationalist moron. But hey, that's me. That second part of the quote goes hand-in-hand with the "Rush to Judgement" argument. Basically, Shanoff should change his name to Jackoff.
Ridiculous Claims: "Speaking of eclipses, suddenly, MIA-DET G2 is secondary to this newest Larry Brown subplot.So Brown was being honest when he said that the Pistons would be his last job in coaching ..." What?! Who the hell is even talking about this? This suddenly eclipses the Miami-Detroit series?? My ass it does. Tell me one sports network/sportswriter (Shanoff doesn't count because he is a joke)/fan who would care more about a rumored discussion involving Larry Brown taking a new position somewhere else (that's a new idea by the way - there hasn't been ANY talk of him leaving, ever. If you didn't know, that was a new thing which I like to call "sarcasm") before the actual game. If you can name one person, then let me know. I will send you a coke or something.
Pathetic Attempt at Humor/Waste of Time: I cannot believe ESPN.com is paying this guy to come up with topics like this: "Sure, Dwyane Wade is the hottest name in sports right now, but how does he stack up against a certain star of 'A Different World?'" If I was the Page 2 editor, I would have fired Shanoff on the spot for actually submitting this. Hell, I may have fired him for just bringing up the idea. This guy can make a living off of this? Seriously? I guess I am in the wrong line of work. Hey, I have an idea. How does Corey Maggette compare to Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World? How does NBA prospect Danny Granger compare to Danny Tanner from Full House? How does Tony Parker compare to Tony Danza? I've got a million of these, ESPN. Wanna hire me?
On that note, I bid you farewell. Tune in tomorrow for a dose of Adam.
As always, you can find today's edition of the Quickie here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
In today's Quickie, we are treated to:
Rush to judgement: As expected, Shanoff has completely counted out the Suns after their loss to the Spurs on Tuesday night. This would a great time to rip on him for his blatant fairweather posturing, but he already did this after game 1. As stated in Monday's crap ass column, "And Spurs-Pistons? Like going to the dentist. But if Sunday's West opener (and Monday's Shaq uncertainties) are any indication, that's where we're headed." (not to be an ass, but nice grammar there. If Sunday's West opener ARE? No wonder you have a job writing for ESPN. Great work) There is no doubt that the Suns are in serious trouble. But this is the same guy who completely counted out the Mavs in their first round series after they lost the first 2 games at home. In other words, he only needs 1 or 2 games to "figure out" outcomes in sports. Why even play the rest of the series?
Stupid Statements: "The Spurs holding the Suns to 108 points is like holding other teams to under 80. But dropping them twice in Phoenix is like ending the series." So "holding" the Suns to two points under their regular season average is like holding other teams under 80? Uhh, as far as I know Shanoff, there wasn't one team that was averaging 82 points or less this season. Actually I know this because I took a second to look it up (New Orleans average a dreadful 88.4 a game). I tend to base my perceptions and opinions on factual information, as I don't enjoy sounding like a complete sensationalist moron. But hey, that's me. That second part of the quote goes hand-in-hand with the "Rush to Judgement" argument. Basically, Shanoff should change his name to Jackoff.
Ridiculous Claims: "Speaking of eclipses, suddenly, MIA-DET G2 is secondary to this newest Larry Brown subplot.So Brown was being honest when he said that the Pistons would be his last job in coaching ..." What?! Who the hell is even talking about this? This suddenly eclipses the Miami-Detroit series?? My ass it does. Tell me one sports network/sportswriter (Shanoff doesn't count because he is a joke)/fan who would care more about a rumored discussion involving Larry Brown taking a new position somewhere else (that's a new idea by the way - there hasn't been ANY talk of him leaving, ever. If you didn't know, that was a new thing which I like to call "sarcasm") before the actual game. If you can name one person, then let me know. I will send you a coke or something.
Pathetic Attempt at Humor/Waste of Time: I cannot believe ESPN.com is paying this guy to come up with topics like this: "Sure, Dwyane Wade is the hottest name in sports right now, but how does he stack up against a certain star of 'A Different World?'" If I was the Page 2 editor, I would have fired Shanoff on the spot for actually submitting this. Hell, I may have fired him for just bringing up the idea. This guy can make a living off of this? Seriously? I guess I am in the wrong line of work. Hey, I have an idea. How does Corey Maggette compare to Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World? How does NBA prospect Danny Granger compare to Danny Tanner from Full House? How does Tony Parker compare to Tony Danza? I've got a million of these, ESPN. Wanna hire me?
On that note, I bid you farewell. Tune in tomorrow for a dose of Adam.
