Monday, June 13, 2005
The Daily Suckie - June 13th, 2005
I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know it stinks to have to be back in the grind of things, but at least you will be graced with another Suckie from your friends here at TSD. As always, we are given ample ammo to work with, as The Daily Quickie (on the left links as always) serves up another piping hot serving of feces. In today's Quickie, we have:
The Dreaded "S" Word:
"The only thing that might save the Pistons from the humiliation of a sweep is the psychological edge from the NBA's non sequitur switch to a 2-3-2 Finals format (from the usual 2-2-1-1-1)."
Ok, granted the Pistons have looked absolutely terrible in the Finals, but why is it that after both the first and second wins, Shanoff has to keep using the "S" word - sweep. When you think about it, all the Spurs did was win where they are supposed to win (at home). Why does a home team who does what it is supposed to do get treated like they did something tremendous? Shanoff always does this, and this is another reason we think he may have The Clap. And the beauty of this is if the Spurs lost last night, we would be treated to "Are the Spurs done?" talk for not holding home court. It is a Catch-22 of shit writing.
A New Flavor of the Week:
"Why not throw the NL Cy the Nats' way, too? You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan "Leave-In" Hernandez."
This is classic Shanoff right here. Last week, we were treated to "Dontrelle is the face of baseball". A few weeks ago, we were given the gift of "Peavy is the best pitcher in the NL" talk. And today, we have this. I am thinking that Shanoff either is the biggest f-ing frontrunner I have ever seen, or he is the star of the movie Memento. Does he not remember writing about these things? I can sincerely say that I have never seen someone who writes about sports for a living be so fickle. I can also say that Shanoff is a douchekeg.
Jumping Off Yet Another Bandwagon:
"The difference between "sensation" and "novelty" is the difference between finishing 4th at the Indy 500 and 13th (out of 22) at Saturday's Learjet 500."
I love the title that you give this section of your "column: "Danica or Dud-ica?" Now that is class. You spent two weeks buying into and building up the hype for this girl, saying it was the most important cross-over in the history of mankind. And then she finishes 13th in a race and suddenly she is a dud? Maybe there is a lesson in this: a) Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't jump on a bandwagon when you know nothing about the person in question. b) Maybe you shouldn't start proclaiming the historical implications until you know what you are talking about. c) Maybe you shouldn't give up support after one friggin' race. d) Maybe you should be working as a janitor on a porn set, because there is no way this gig should be bringing in a paycheck for you.
Moronic Conclusions:
"Mike Tyson:What an embarrassment. Even a KO loss would have been a more graceful finish. Let's not have any more talk about him being on the sports radar ever again."
While Tyson is probably done for (thus not meriting a mention in terms of current sports talk), it would be completely ludicrous to ignore him completely based on his past achievements. But according to Shanoff, he shouldn't ever be on the sports radar ever again. So let's completely ignore the fact that he was probably one of the top 2 or 3 boxers in the history of the sport, the most controversial athlete of our time, and one of the biggest draws in sports, period. Let's just ignore all of that because our friend Shanoff thought his performance sucked and that is the only logical step from here. While we are at it, let's not mention anything about Michael Jordan, as he didn't leave the game gracefully. Great idea.
This guy is unbelievable. He is the Cal Ripken of shit ass sports writing - he has had a consecutive streak of terrible columns that will never be surpassed. And because of that, I can guarentee Adam will have more material to work with tomorrow. Tune in for yet another round kids. I will see you Wednesday.
The Dreaded "S" Word:
"The only thing that might save the Pistons from the humiliation of a sweep is the psychological edge from the NBA's non sequitur switch to a 2-3-2 Finals format (from the usual 2-2-1-1-1)."
Ok, granted the Pistons have looked absolutely terrible in the Finals, but why is it that after both the first and second wins, Shanoff has to keep using the "S" word - sweep. When you think about it, all the Spurs did was win where they are supposed to win (at home). Why does a home team who does what it is supposed to do get treated like they did something tremendous? Shanoff always does this, and this is another reason we think he may have The Clap. And the beauty of this is if the Spurs lost last night, we would be treated to "Are the Spurs done?" talk for not holding home court. It is a Catch-22 of shit writing.
A New Flavor of the Week:
"Why not throw the NL Cy the Nats' way, too? You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan "Leave-In" Hernandez."
This is classic Shanoff right here. Last week, we were treated to "Dontrelle is the face of baseball". A few weeks ago, we were given the gift of "Peavy is the best pitcher in the NL" talk. And today, we have this. I am thinking that Shanoff either is the biggest f-ing frontrunner I have ever seen, or he is the star of the movie Memento. Does he not remember writing about these things? I can sincerely say that I have never seen someone who writes about sports for a living be so fickle. I can also say that Shanoff is a douchekeg.
Jumping Off Yet Another Bandwagon:
"The difference between "sensation" and "novelty" is the difference between finishing 4th at the Indy 500 and 13th (out of 22) at Saturday's Learjet 500."
I love the title that you give this section of your "column: "Danica or Dud-ica?" Now that is class. You spent two weeks buying into and building up the hype for this girl, saying it was the most important cross-over in the history of mankind. And then she finishes 13th in a race and suddenly she is a dud? Maybe there is a lesson in this: a) Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't jump on a bandwagon when you know nothing about the person in question. b) Maybe you shouldn't start proclaiming the historical implications until you know what you are talking about. c) Maybe you shouldn't give up support after one friggin' race. d) Maybe you should be working as a janitor on a porn set, because there is no way this gig should be bringing in a paycheck for you.
Moronic Conclusions:
"Mike Tyson:What an embarrassment. Even a KO loss would have been a more graceful finish. Let's not have any more talk about him being on the sports radar ever again."
While Tyson is probably done for (thus not meriting a mention in terms of current sports talk), it would be completely ludicrous to ignore him completely based on his past achievements. But according to Shanoff, he shouldn't ever be on the sports radar ever again. So let's completely ignore the fact that he was probably one of the top 2 or 3 boxers in the history of the sport, the most controversial athlete of our time, and one of the biggest draws in sports, period. Let's just ignore all of that because our friend Shanoff thought his performance sucked and that is the only logical step from here. While we are at it, let's not mention anything about Michael Jordan, as he didn't leave the game gracefully. Great idea.
This guy is unbelievable. He is the Cal Ripken of shit ass sports writing - he has had a consecutive streak of terrible columns that will never be surpassed. And because of that, I can guarentee Adam will have more material to work with tomorrow. Tune in for yet another round kids. I will see you Wednesday.
