Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Daily Suckie - June 14th, 2005
Ah, Dan Shanoff. The most predictable man in all of sports writing. Whether it be his penchant for jumping from one bandwagon to the other, or his irresponsible puns and idiotic analyses, Shanoff is the head-honcho of The Sportswriters Demise, and for that he should be crucified. And that, my friends, is what we do here at TSD. Today, Shanoff served up some god awful commentary on Michael Jackson and produced a feeble attempt at continuity throughout his column. As always, see the link on the left to check out today's Daily Suckie. Caution: Viewing the Daily Suckie may make you throw up in your mouth.
Jacko, by Jackoff
Could there be any other running theme today?
Well yes, there could be Shanoff. But, it's such an obvious theme that of course you will use it, almost as repeatedly as you use that same moisturizer and sock every night before you go to bed. Nearly every single point Shanoff makes today is a reach...and yet it wasn't that slow of a day sportswise...there's interleague, all-star voting, NFL minicamps, CWS...the list goes on and on. Yet Shanoff starts talking about golf being too slow (which could be summed up in one sentence: Yes, it is.) and Matt Walsh (who attended my HS) going into the draft. These are NON stories.
Jumping Jackoff
Ah, the bandwagon jumping occurs again. Watch as Shanoff declares his allegiance to one team (The Spurs) and then quickly jumps to the other: However, who else thinks that with the series moving to Detroit tonight, with the crazy crowd and hopped-up P.A. guy, the calls will go their way.
First of all - refs aren't that fickle. You say that the Pistons are whining, but then you imply that the refs can be swayed by a PA announcer (who you have bashed previously) and the crowd.
Shanoff stradles the fence once again...man he really does like that rusty pole...
Jenius Jackoff
Talk about not really giving supporting evidence for a point! Shanoff declares that the Nationals aren't worthy of their bandwagon because of their runs scored v. runs allowed, yet in his decision that they do deserve the band wagon, he does nothing to refute this claim. So we're just supposed to ignore the fact that the Nats are a sub-.500 team that has gotten a little lucky?
Journalist? Not Jackoff
Our conclusion is, once again, that Shanoff is neither a journalist or a sportswriter, and most definitely IS an idiot, who does not qualify for this job.
Well, that's it today...tune in tomorrow as Rocke will surely be able to hit some home runs on Jackoff's softballs.
Jacko, by Jackoff
Could there be any other running theme today?
Well yes, there could be Shanoff. But, it's such an obvious theme that of course you will use it, almost as repeatedly as you use that same moisturizer and sock every night before you go to bed. Nearly every single point Shanoff makes today is a reach...and yet it wasn't that slow of a day sportswise...there's interleague, all-star voting, NFL minicamps, CWS...the list goes on and on. Yet Shanoff starts talking about golf being too slow (which could be summed up in one sentence: Yes, it is.) and Matt Walsh (who attended my HS) going into the draft. These are NON stories.
Jumping Jackoff
Ah, the bandwagon jumping occurs again. Watch as Shanoff declares his allegiance to one team (The Spurs) and then quickly jumps to the other: However, who else thinks that with the series moving to Detroit tonight, with the crazy crowd and hopped-up P.A. guy, the calls will go their way.
First of all - refs aren't that fickle. You say that the Pistons are whining, but then you imply that the refs can be swayed by a PA announcer (who you have bashed previously) and the crowd.
Shanoff stradles the fence once again...man he really does like that rusty pole...
Jenius Jackoff
Talk about not really giving supporting evidence for a point! Shanoff declares that the Nationals aren't worthy of their bandwagon because of their runs scored v. runs allowed, yet in his decision that they do deserve the band wagon, he does nothing to refute this claim. So we're just supposed to ignore the fact that the Nats are a sub-.500 team that has gotten a little lucky?
Journalist? Not Jackoff
Our conclusion is, once again, that Shanoff is neither a journalist or a sportswriter, and most definitely IS an idiot, who does not qualify for this job.
Well, that's it today...tune in tomorrow as Rocke will surely be able to hit some home runs on Jackoff's softballs.
