Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The Daily Suckie - June 22nd, 2005
Welcome to today's Daily Suckie. I hope you are strapped in and ready to go, because today is going to be quite heated thanks to Harry Knutsack (aka Dan Shanoff). Without further ado, it is time to tear this moron's "column" apart. In today's Quickie, we are forced to deal with:
Gloating and Absurd Comments (What's New?) About the Finals (This Will Be Long):
"Finally: Shut up, haters! The NBA Finals are going to Game 7 for the first time since 1994, which -- combined with the last two great games -- vaults this series from dud to dramatic."
Nice touch, Shanny. In case you didn't get the memo people, one good game in six actually makes this series one of the greatest in NBA history. Luckily, we have Danny boy here to tell us that, because I sure as hell wouldn't have known otherwise. 4 blowouts by an average of 22 points, 1 game that was actually close, and then another one that was settled by 9 points. Yep, I hope ABC is sending these games over to ESPN Classic this moment, because these are destined to become the BEST. FINALS. EVER. Seriously, this has been the least interesting Finals that I can recall, but Mr. Instant History here has to turn everything into some crowning achievement. What if for once in your miserable excuse of a career you actually took something for what it is. Oh, and I want to commend you for the "Shut up haters" line. Just brilliant writing.
"So much for those 'experts': Spurs in 4. Spurs in 5. Spurs in 6. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Here's what you're left with: Spurs in 7? Pistons in 7?!"
Now correct me if I am wrong, but have you ever heard any journalist do this? Go back and rub it in the faces of other journalists who incorrectly pick the outcome of series' before they begin because their editors always feel the need to have them do so? Does anyone consider these people the authority on basketball when they make these predictions? It is common fact that about 1 in 100 writers actually predict a series' outcome correctly, yet we have this douchebag bringing up that everyone is wrong. Why? My guess is that he is loving the fact that HIS pick of Detroit in 7 is still a possibility, and he is waiting to throw himself a parade (my guess is that he would wait for it to coincide with the local "alternative lifestyle" parade in his area) if Detroit does indeed win. That alone my friends is reason enough to have Detroit lose tomorrow night. Do not give this loser the satisfaction. If you know anyone who is into voodoo, you might want to pay them a visit. While you are at it, have the voodoo guy disable Danny Boy's arms so he can't type or write anything. I will send you a Dr. Pepper if you make this happen.
Besides all of this, what needs to be highlighted is the fact that in YESTERDAY'S Quickie, Shanny said this series was over. Now correct me if I am wrong, wouldn't that be an endorsement for "Spurs in 6"? So basically, he just ripped on himself. This guy is worse than a night of the runs after drinking too many Red Bull-Vodkas.
"It's on! The Pistons could do something that's never been done before: Win the last two games on the road in a 2-3-2 NBA Finals."
If I hear that damn "It's On" phrase one more time... Simply put, maybe the minority of people who base the series on how the last game goes wouldn't think "it's off" if we didn't have fairweather writers like you hyping "the end" after each game.
"The time for trashing this Finals is long gone; the time for coronating the Spurs in a 4-, 5- or 6-game walk is gone, too. Better yet: It's so NOT 'Over.'"
Uh the time for trashing the worst Finals in ages is long gone because we are at a game 7? Funny, but I don't think the majority of fans would agree with you there. But who are we to argue? This guy obviously knows what he is talking about, seeing how he has predicted the Pistons in 6 & 7 games, and the Spurs in 4, 5 & 6 games. Now if he can throw in a Spurs in 7 prediction in tomorrow's Quickie, he will have all of his bases covered. This guy is a god, and we are just living in his world.
I am glad to hear that it is not over. Luckily, there are a couple of us who subscribe to the theorem: "It is not over until all of the games are played", so we actually knew this. Now I know this sounds ludicrous, but this line of reasoning actually does exist. Just not in Shanoff's world.
So in conclusion, we learned that: Shanoff is a bandwagon jumping moron, he doesn't know dick about sports, and he probably molests his pets.
A Lack of Understanding of Sports:
"18-year-olds are better off with a year of college P.T. than NBA pine time! What bunk. Show me the college coach who puts an individual player's NBA career above the coach's own career, "system" or whole roster... At least riding the pine in the NBA, the 18-year-old can concentrate full-time on his skills, with the best coaches in the sport focused completely on him fulfilling his potential. His NBA potential."
I have no clue what the fuck he is talking about here. I am utterly speechless. Who in God's name thinks someone would be better off sitting on a bench than playing basketball?! I can't think of a single sport where sitting on a bench and doing drills in practice will turn you into an elite player instead of playing in games. Not one. How can you get better at playing a GAME if you never f-ing play in a GAME!? HOW? Your ability in drills doesn't mean shit if you can't apply it to game time situations. If you want to come with a valid argument for this, then I am all ears. But this is seriously ridiculous. And you want to try to convince us that the coaches are working tirelessly with these kids? If they show they can play in game time situations, then yeah, you bet. But they will be playing at that point anyway. If they aren't ready, the coach will relegate the duty of developing the player to a veteran like Will Perdue or an assistant coach. What is wrong with having a kid go to college, be a prominant part of the team, develop skills by PLAYING, learn leadership skills, and introduce them to the pressures that come with playing big time basketball. Obviously this doesn't even warrent a mention from Danny Boy because he has 8 players straight from high school who did well (while ignoring the 40 who are now working at Denny's).
I Am So Smart... S-M-R-T:
"Tribe sinking: Don't blame this messenger, Indians fans. AL wild-card wannabe exposed for second straight game by reigning WC Red Sox."
I am not even an Indians fan and I want to beat him up for this line. So two losses to the "reigning WC" is a sign that the team is sinking after 9 straight wins. I guess Jackoff is smarter than us all here, predicting the Indians impending doom since they didn't win down the stretch at the end of last season. Great logic. You better pat yourself on the back yet again.
Yet Another Plug For Himself:
"Have you voted in Page 2's Ultimate Sneaker Bracket yet? (And I don't ask simply because I picked and seeded the contenders.)"
I will ignore the fact that his "Quickie Book Club" pick is yet another ESPN.com guy (a former one) because the author in question is dead. I will however not ignore the fact that this cumdumpster is hyping yet another stupid gimmick of his. My ass you aren't asking because YOU picked and seeded the thing. Has anyone cared less about a topic then this? I know I haven't. ESPN must really be reaching for ideas to have to include this on their website.
Wow, that was pretty damn long. Sorry about that, but I had way too much to work with today. Hopefully it didn't cause me to spread myself thin. Anyway, tune in tomorrow when Adam will again do battle with the forces of evil. See you Friday.
Gloating and Absurd Comments (What's New?) About the Finals (This Will Be Long):
"Finally: Shut up, haters! The NBA Finals are going to Game 7 for the first time since 1994, which -- combined with the last two great games -- vaults this series from dud to dramatic."
Nice touch, Shanny. In case you didn't get the memo people, one good game in six actually makes this series one of the greatest in NBA history. Luckily, we have Danny boy here to tell us that, because I sure as hell wouldn't have known otherwise. 4 blowouts by an average of 22 points, 1 game that was actually close, and then another one that was settled by 9 points. Yep, I hope ABC is sending these games over to ESPN Classic this moment, because these are destined to become the BEST. FINALS. EVER. Seriously, this has been the least interesting Finals that I can recall, but Mr. Instant History here has to turn everything into some crowning achievement. What if for once in your miserable excuse of a career you actually took something for what it is. Oh, and I want to commend you for the "Shut up haters" line. Just brilliant writing.
"So much for those 'experts': Spurs in 4. Spurs in 5. Spurs in 6. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Here's what you're left with: Spurs in 7? Pistons in 7?!"
Now correct me if I am wrong, but have you ever heard any journalist do this? Go back and rub it in the faces of other journalists who incorrectly pick the outcome of series' before they begin because their editors always feel the need to have them do so? Does anyone consider these people the authority on basketball when they make these predictions? It is common fact that about 1 in 100 writers actually predict a series' outcome correctly, yet we have this douchebag bringing up that everyone is wrong. Why? My guess is that he is loving the fact that HIS pick of Detroit in 7 is still a possibility, and he is waiting to throw himself a parade (my guess is that he would wait for it to coincide with the local "alternative lifestyle" parade in his area) if Detroit does indeed win. That alone my friends is reason enough to have Detroit lose tomorrow night. Do not give this loser the satisfaction. If you know anyone who is into voodoo, you might want to pay them a visit. While you are at it, have the voodoo guy disable Danny Boy's arms so he can't type or write anything. I will send you a Dr. Pepper if you make this happen.
Besides all of this, what needs to be highlighted is the fact that in YESTERDAY'S Quickie, Shanny said this series was over. Now correct me if I am wrong, wouldn't that be an endorsement for "Spurs in 6"? So basically, he just ripped on himself. This guy is worse than a night of the runs after drinking too many Red Bull-Vodkas.
"It's on! The Pistons could do something that's never been done before: Win the last two games on the road in a 2-3-2 NBA Finals."
If I hear that damn "It's On" phrase one more time... Simply put, maybe the minority of people who base the series on how the last game goes wouldn't think "it's off" if we didn't have fairweather writers like you hyping "the end" after each game.
"The time for trashing this Finals is long gone; the time for coronating the Spurs in a 4-, 5- or 6-game walk is gone, too. Better yet: It's so NOT 'Over.'"
Uh the time for trashing the worst Finals in ages is long gone because we are at a game 7? Funny, but I don't think the majority of fans would agree with you there. But who are we to argue? This guy obviously knows what he is talking about, seeing how he has predicted the Pistons in 6 & 7 games, and the Spurs in 4, 5 & 6 games. Now if he can throw in a Spurs in 7 prediction in tomorrow's Quickie, he will have all of his bases covered. This guy is a god, and we are just living in his world.
I am glad to hear that it is not over. Luckily, there are a couple of us who subscribe to the theorem: "It is not over until all of the games are played", so we actually knew this. Now I know this sounds ludicrous, but this line of reasoning actually does exist. Just not in Shanoff's world.
So in conclusion, we learned that: Shanoff is a bandwagon jumping moron, he doesn't know dick about sports, and he probably molests his pets.
A Lack of Understanding of Sports:
"18-year-olds are better off with a year of college P.T. than NBA pine time! What bunk. Show me the college coach who puts an individual player's NBA career above the coach's own career, "system" or whole roster... At least riding the pine in the NBA, the 18-year-old can concentrate full-time on his skills, with the best coaches in the sport focused completely on him fulfilling his potential. His NBA potential."
I have no clue what the fuck he is talking about here. I am utterly speechless. Who in God's name thinks someone would be better off sitting on a bench than playing basketball?! I can't think of a single sport where sitting on a bench and doing drills in practice will turn you into an elite player instead of playing in games. Not one. How can you get better at playing a GAME if you never f-ing play in a GAME!? HOW? Your ability in drills doesn't mean shit if you can't apply it to game time situations. If you want to come with a valid argument for this, then I am all ears. But this is seriously ridiculous. And you want to try to convince us that the coaches are working tirelessly with these kids? If they show they can play in game time situations, then yeah, you bet. But they will be playing at that point anyway. If they aren't ready, the coach will relegate the duty of developing the player to a veteran like Will Perdue or an assistant coach. What is wrong with having a kid go to college, be a prominant part of the team, develop skills by PLAYING, learn leadership skills, and introduce them to the pressures that come with playing big time basketball. Obviously this doesn't even warrent a mention from Danny Boy because he has 8 players straight from high school who did well (while ignoring the 40 who are now working at Denny's).
I Am So Smart... S-M-R-T:
"Tribe sinking: Don't blame this messenger, Indians fans. AL wild-card wannabe exposed for second straight game by reigning WC Red Sox."
I am not even an Indians fan and I want to beat him up for this line. So two losses to the "reigning WC" is a sign that the team is sinking after 9 straight wins. I guess Jackoff is smarter than us all here, predicting the Indians impending doom since they didn't win down the stretch at the end of last season. Great logic. You better pat yourself on the back yet again.
Yet Another Plug For Himself:
"Have you voted in Page 2's Ultimate Sneaker Bracket yet? (And I don't ask simply because I picked and seeded the contenders.)"
I will ignore the fact that his "Quickie Book Club" pick is yet another ESPN.com guy (a former one) because the author in question is dead. I will however not ignore the fact that this cumdumpster is hyping yet another stupid gimmick of his. My ass you aren't asking because YOU picked and seeded the thing. Has anyone cared less about a topic then this? I know I haven't. ESPN must really be reaching for ideas to have to include this on their website.
Wow, that was pretty damn long. Sorry about that, but I had way too much to work with today. Hopefully it didn't cause me to spread myself thin. Anyway, tune in tomorrow when Adam will again do battle with the forces of evil. See you Friday.
