Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Daily Suckie - June 7th, 2005
Well, I take the blame for this being the first entry in a week...but through the whole time, our good friend Dan "two-face" Shanoff has been carrying on his usual routine of hyperbole, bandwagoneering and off-base antics.
Today we have...
Wasted Column
"Hate is Such a Wasted Effort" says Shanoff in regards to a Pistons-Spurs final. But Shanoff was the one to declare that this matchup would be the worst possible finals faceoff (he even admits to it). Yet here he is, trying to cover up his tracks
Hate is such a wasted effort. Why bother? You're going to watch anyway, so why not embrace the pain and enjoy yourself?
But he can't even do an about-face and make it convincing! By saying that the finals is going to be painful, Shanoff reveals who he truly is - a fence-sitter. And to be honest, I think he likes that fencepost up his ass. I just pray it's a rusty post.
Rivarly Shmivalry
Ok, lets get this straight because this has been bugging me for a week.
NOT ALL INTERLEAGUE PLAY IS ABOUT "RIVALRIES"
Yes, the first weekend is supposed to be about Rivalries, and some are forced. But the rest of interleague play is usually one division matched up against the other. For example, this year the NL East teams play the AL West teams. It changes from year to year. Get used to it, Jackoff! Aren't you supoosed to be an informed sportswriter? Oh wait...that's right. You aren't.
Legally Stupid
Leave the legal analysis up to your coworkers on ESPN.com Dan...and don't hate on wrestlers just because you were never man enough to get out there on the mat yourself. I bet the only wrestling you did was with your buddy's little sister...you think she noticed that hard-on you had when you were 13 and she was 8? Now THAT would be a legal issue...
Sports News...No!
Do many people really care about the Sox being on Queer Eye? Probably not. So why waste nearly a quarter of your column on it? It might be worth a mention in odds and ends. But there are many other sports stories out there you can cover...
Worst...Hyperbole...Ever
By declaring the winner of the NBA Finals a dynasty, you took yourself down about 50 notches and are now firmly entrenched in HELL. 2 championships makes a team a dynasty? Since when?! Are you kidding me? Two NBA championships is not THAT hard, and by no means matches up to Jordan's Bulls or the Celts...or even the Lakers of the late 90's early 00's. But once again Shanoff illustrates the main problem of the TSD...the need to make hasty declarations and declare a team or player the "Best". Why dont you take that dynasty and give yourself a douche with it.
Fool.
That's it for today's edition of the Suckie. Rocke is back from Hawaii and will lead us on tomorrow...
Today we have...
Wasted Column
"Hate is Such a Wasted Effort" says Shanoff in regards to a Pistons-Spurs final. But Shanoff was the one to declare that this matchup would be the worst possible finals faceoff (he even admits to it). Yet here he is, trying to cover up his tracks
Hate is such a wasted effort. Why bother? You're going to watch anyway, so why not embrace the pain and enjoy yourself?
But he can't even do an about-face and make it convincing! By saying that the finals is going to be painful, Shanoff reveals who he truly is - a fence-sitter. And to be honest, I think he likes that fencepost up his ass. I just pray it's a rusty post.
Rivarly Shmivalry
Ok, lets get this straight because this has been bugging me for a week.
NOT ALL INTERLEAGUE PLAY IS ABOUT "RIVALRIES"
Yes, the first weekend is supposed to be about Rivalries, and some are forced. But the rest of interleague play is usually one division matched up against the other. For example, this year the NL East teams play the AL West teams. It changes from year to year. Get used to it, Jackoff! Aren't you supoosed to be an informed sportswriter? Oh wait...that's right. You aren't.
Legally Stupid
Leave the legal analysis up to your coworkers on ESPN.com Dan...and don't hate on wrestlers just because you were never man enough to get out there on the mat yourself. I bet the only wrestling you did was with your buddy's little sister...you think she noticed that hard-on you had when you were 13 and she was 8? Now THAT would be a legal issue...
Sports News...No!
Do many people really care about the Sox being on Queer Eye? Probably not. So why waste nearly a quarter of your column on it? It might be worth a mention in odds and ends. But there are many other sports stories out there you can cover...
Worst...Hyperbole...Ever
By declaring the winner of the NBA Finals a dynasty, you took yourself down about 50 notches and are now firmly entrenched in HELL. 2 championships makes a team a dynasty? Since when?! Are you kidding me? Two NBA championships is not THAT hard, and by no means matches up to Jordan's Bulls or the Celts...or even the Lakers of the late 90's early 00's. But once again Shanoff illustrates the main problem of the TSD...the need to make hasty declarations and declare a team or player the "Best". Why dont you take that dynasty and give yourself a douche with it.
Fool.
That's it for today's edition of the Suckie. Rocke is back from Hawaii and will lead us on tomorrow...
