Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The Daily Suckie - July 5th, 2005
Hello kids. I hope you all had a great 4th of July weekend. Seeing how it is not a holiday anymore, this means we are treated to yet another steaming pile of excrement known as The Daily Quickie. Unfortunately for us, that means we need to subject ourselves to reading and critiquing it. In today Quickie, we have to deal with:
An About Face:
"Who should be NL starter: Willis or Clemens? The stats are a wash; nod to D-Train, who brings more joy."
Funny you should say this, because as I recall a few columns ago, you mentioned your NL pick for starter: "Roger Clemens. Strong comp (Willis, Peavy), but Rocket's ever-shrinking MLB-leading 1.51 ERA (after last night's W) seals the pick." And wasn't it you who also said: "You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan 'Leave-In" Hernandez." Interesting. And why wouldn't Peavy start, seeing how he was coined the best pitcher in the NL by this loser a month ago? Obviously, I can continue with this for days. Just look at any day there has been a great performance by a pitcher, and suddenly you have Danny Boy's choice for an All Star starter or franchise pitcher. And you have got to love the "joy factor" playing a part in the All Star selection process. More joy is a great reason for someone to start in an All Star Game. I really hope they create a measurable statistic of this so it can be employed in the future, because this is seriously important, people. So what have we learned if nothing else? 1. Shanoff has got some cajones to actually have an archive that is accessible to us commoners. It is mighty resourceful when trying to show the hypocrisy and stupidity that permeate his columns. 2. Shanoff is a bandwagoning C-U Next Tuesday (if you don't understand that, ask Paul Silas about it).
Obvious Lack of Knowledge on What the Fuck He is Talking About:
"Losing out on Kobe last summer could be the luckiest break in Clippers franchise history. Now, instead of being saddled with the NBA's most selfish player, the Clips have the flexibility to make a play for Ray Allen. Allen is a near-clone of Kobe, skills-wise, but brings a more team-oriented attitude to the floor, which the Clippers need as much as anything."
Ok everyone, it is time to take a poll. How many of you would rather have Kobe Bryant on your team instead of Ray Allen? All of you? That is what I thought. Ok, another question. How many of you would say Ray Allen's game is a mirror image of Kobe Bryant's? None of you? Yeah, I agree. You don't even need to watch the NBA to know this. Ethiopians who don't even know what basketball is know this. Seriously, what the fuck is this moron babbling about? It is en vogue to hate on Kobe, so he will continue to make ridiculously outlandish claims about this. Ray Allen is a great player, no doubt. Talent wise though, he is not in the same league. Say what you want about Kobe, but he is one of the most complete players the NBA has seen. He may not be the best teammate or best person off the court, but that does not diminish the fact that he is still a good player. On top of this, he brings in people to the arena, which is a lot more than can be said about Ray Allen. You are telling me that the Clippers are at fault for wanting to have one of the top 5 players in this league, someone who brings in huge amounts of revenue, someone who is only 26 years old, and someone with championship experience? Yeah that makes sense. Instead, why not be ecstatic to pay Ray Allen MORE money? He is 4 years older and will no doubt be on the down side of his career a few years into his new contract, he is less versatile, and has only showed in one NBA season (a contract year no less) that he can carry a team. I like Ray Allen as a player and a person, but come on, can you honestly say that signing him to a max contract is even semi-good idea? Luckily though, Danny Boy sees a nice covered bandwagon, and hops aboard to find his answer.
And what is this horseshit about Allen being a Kobe clone? Has he even watched one game of either player? Ray Allen is one of the most prolific shooters in the league, is more effective off the ball, and relies heavily on his jump shot. Does that sound even close to Kobe's game? I guess it doesn't take much to be a clone in Shanoff's world, just as long as they play the same sport. Stay tuned for Danny Boy's next Quickie, when he is tells us that Bo Outlaw is a clone of Tim Duncan.
Stupid Ass Themes:
"Brandon Webb: The anti-Oswalt: Another NL "Final Vote" nominee threw Monday, but gave up 4 ER in 7 IP in an L to St Louis. Chances of winning ASG "Final" fan support? Nil."
I guess this whole "Final vote" is his lame running them of the column today. Based on this little blurb about Brandon Webb's poor performance last night, it looks like Danny Boy is saying he doesn't deserve to be in the all star game because of his performance last night. You really have got to love this guy. At least he takes the whole picture into account before making... ridi...culous...claims...
Waste of Space
"The Big 5"
I have to say, in the history of writing, we have been so lucky to be graced with legendary talents like Shakespeare, Poe, Twain and now Shanoff. His Big 5 list is a masterpiece in modern writing. He must have really been running out of things to say today, as his list talks about an actual interesting and humorous writer's, Bill Simmons, top 5 choices for most untradeable players in the NBA (No Danny, using pieces from his column will not make you a good or funny writer. Sorry). This is really all that you could come up with Danny Boy? Seriously? Not only is this lame beyond belief, but his comments add absolutely nothing. I really don't know what the point of this is. Let's review the gems that he talks about:
1. Tim Duncan: Can't argue with 3 rings - Oh really? You seem to be doing a mighty fine job of arguing against Kobe's three rings, winner. What about when you were ripping Duncan just a few weeks ago for not performing well in the Finals? Why not mention the other things that would make him the #1 choice? Oh that's right, because you don't know what you are talking about, you hack.
2. Amare: Closing in on Duncan's No. 1? - This is some real insight here, folks. I didn't know that the #2 is close to the #1. Luckily, we have Danny Boy here to help us through the mine field that is 1st grade math.
3. Dwyane: Can he be more popular? - I think it is now obvious who came up with the deep thought "If a tree falls in the woods..." question. I am so glad we have Danny Boy here to ask the tough questions we all care about oh so much.
4. LeBron: Will be hotly debated - Gee, that's pretty amazing. I hope you didn't hurt yourself thinking of that one. This is truly a waste of space.
5. KG: See Q It Up for full list - Translation: "I am a no-talent ass clown who has nothing to say about anything, so please go to a link to a good column that I read and give me credit for doing absolutely nothing. Also, I have a large amount of pubic lice."
And with that my friends, I bid you farewell. Adam should be doing his thing tomorrow, and we should be hearing from the elusive Rob by week's end. I will see you next time.
An About Face:
"Who should be NL starter: Willis or Clemens? The stats are a wash; nod to D-Train, who brings more joy."
Funny you should say this, because as I recall a few columns ago, you mentioned your NL pick for starter: "Roger Clemens. Strong comp (Willis, Peavy), but Rocket's ever-shrinking MLB-leading 1.51 ERA (after last night's W) seals the pick." And wasn't it you who also said: "You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan 'Leave-In" Hernandez." Interesting. And why wouldn't Peavy start, seeing how he was coined the best pitcher in the NL by this loser a month ago? Obviously, I can continue with this for days. Just look at any day there has been a great performance by a pitcher, and suddenly you have Danny Boy's choice for an All Star starter or franchise pitcher. And you have got to love the "joy factor" playing a part in the All Star selection process. More joy is a great reason for someone to start in an All Star Game. I really hope they create a measurable statistic of this so it can be employed in the future, because this is seriously important, people. So what have we learned if nothing else? 1. Shanoff has got some cajones to actually have an archive that is accessible to us commoners. It is mighty resourceful when trying to show the hypocrisy and stupidity that permeate his columns. 2. Shanoff is a bandwagoning C-U Next Tuesday (if you don't understand that, ask Paul Silas about it).
Obvious Lack of Knowledge on What the Fuck He is Talking About:
"Losing out on Kobe last summer could be the luckiest break in Clippers franchise history. Now, instead of being saddled with the NBA's most selfish player, the Clips have the flexibility to make a play for Ray Allen. Allen is a near-clone of Kobe, skills-wise, but brings a more team-oriented attitude to the floor, which the Clippers need as much as anything."
Ok everyone, it is time to take a poll. How many of you would rather have Kobe Bryant on your team instead of Ray Allen? All of you? That is what I thought. Ok, another question. How many of you would say Ray Allen's game is a mirror image of Kobe Bryant's? None of you? Yeah, I agree. You don't even need to watch the NBA to know this. Ethiopians who don't even know what basketball is know this. Seriously, what the fuck is this moron babbling about? It is en vogue to hate on Kobe, so he will continue to make ridiculously outlandish claims about this. Ray Allen is a great player, no doubt. Talent wise though, he is not in the same league. Say what you want about Kobe, but he is one of the most complete players the NBA has seen. He may not be the best teammate or best person off the court, but that does not diminish the fact that he is still a good player. On top of this, he brings in people to the arena, which is a lot more than can be said about Ray Allen. You are telling me that the Clippers are at fault for wanting to have one of the top 5 players in this league, someone who brings in huge amounts of revenue, someone who is only 26 years old, and someone with championship experience? Yeah that makes sense. Instead, why not be ecstatic to pay Ray Allen MORE money? He is 4 years older and will no doubt be on the down side of his career a few years into his new contract, he is less versatile, and has only showed in one NBA season (a contract year no less) that he can carry a team. I like Ray Allen as a player and a person, but come on, can you honestly say that signing him to a max contract is even semi-good idea? Luckily though, Danny Boy sees a nice covered bandwagon, and hops aboard to find his answer.
And what is this horseshit about Allen being a Kobe clone? Has he even watched one game of either player? Ray Allen is one of the most prolific shooters in the league, is more effective off the ball, and relies heavily on his jump shot. Does that sound even close to Kobe's game? I guess it doesn't take much to be a clone in Shanoff's world, just as long as they play the same sport. Stay tuned for Danny Boy's next Quickie, when he is tells us that Bo Outlaw is a clone of Tim Duncan.
Stupid Ass Themes:
"Brandon Webb: The anti-Oswalt: Another NL "Final Vote" nominee threw Monday, but gave up 4 ER in 7 IP in an L to St Louis. Chances of winning ASG "Final" fan support? Nil."
I guess this whole "Final vote" is his lame running them of the column today. Based on this little blurb about Brandon Webb's poor performance last night, it looks like Danny Boy is saying he doesn't deserve to be in the all star game because of his performance last night. You really have got to love this guy. At least he takes the whole picture into account before making... ridi...culous...claims...
Waste of Space
"The Big 5"
I have to say, in the history of writing, we have been so lucky to be graced with legendary talents like Shakespeare, Poe, Twain and now Shanoff. His Big 5 list is a masterpiece in modern writing. He must have really been running out of things to say today, as his list talks about an actual interesting and humorous writer's, Bill Simmons, top 5 choices for most untradeable players in the NBA (No Danny, using pieces from his column will not make you a good or funny writer. Sorry). This is really all that you could come up with Danny Boy? Seriously? Not only is this lame beyond belief, but his comments add absolutely nothing. I really don't know what the point of this is. Let's review the gems that he talks about:
1. Tim Duncan: Can't argue with 3 rings - Oh really? You seem to be doing a mighty fine job of arguing against Kobe's three rings, winner. What about when you were ripping Duncan just a few weeks ago for not performing well in the Finals? Why not mention the other things that would make him the #1 choice? Oh that's right, because you don't know what you are talking about, you hack.
2. Amare: Closing in on Duncan's No. 1? - This is some real insight here, folks. I didn't know that the #2 is close to the #1. Luckily, we have Danny Boy here to help us through the mine field that is 1st grade math.
3. Dwyane: Can he be more popular? - I think it is now obvious who came up with the deep thought "If a tree falls in the woods..." question. I am so glad we have Danny Boy here to ask the tough questions we all care about oh so much.
4. LeBron: Will be hotly debated - Gee, that's pretty amazing. I hope you didn't hurt yourself thinking of that one. This is truly a waste of space.
5. KG: See Q It Up for full list - Translation: "I am a no-talent ass clown who has nothing to say about anything, so please go to a link to a good column that I read and give me credit for doing absolutely nothing. Also, I have a large amount of pubic lice."
And with that my friends, I bid you farewell. Adam should be doing his thing tomorrow, and we should be hearing from the elusive Rob by week's end. I will see you next time.
