Tuesday, May 31, 2005
The Daily Suckie - May 31st, 2005
Well, this is late today and it's going to be short because I ran out of time at work...
Brash Bravado
Once again, Shanoff makes bold claims that he has no backing for...this time calling for Larry Brown to step down right now. Brown has not taken the Cavs job yet, has signed no contracts and has to and should be true to one contract - the one he signed with the Pistons.
Stupid Stats
We are lucky today as we get to combine a Do You Care with the Daily Suckie!
65 percent of teams in first on Memorial Day get to the playoffs (since '95).
First of all...it's only been 10 years. That makes the sample size pretty small (60 teams have been in first on Memorial Day since 1995). So what this stat says is that 39 out of those 60 teams have made the playoffs...WOW! Mindboggling! INCREDIBLE! This stat is not statistically significant...and neither is Shanoff.
Danica, oh danica...
Well Shanoff, it looks as if your bold prediction of Danica Patrick winning the Indy 500 fell just a bit short...and now you're still trying to stay she's the best crossover athlete...once again we must take exception to this exceptional hyperbole.
Well...that's it for today - still have more work to get done...but even in about 5 minutes I could still prove that Shanoff is the leader of what we like to call The Sportswriters Demise....
Brash Bravado
Once again, Shanoff makes bold claims that he has no backing for...this time calling for Larry Brown to step down right now. Brown has not taken the Cavs job yet, has signed no contracts and has to and should be true to one contract - the one he signed with the Pistons.
Stupid Stats
We are lucky today as we get to combine a Do You Care with the Daily Suckie!
65 percent of teams in first on Memorial Day get to the playoffs (since '95).
First of all...it's only been 10 years. That makes the sample size pretty small (60 teams have been in first on Memorial Day since 1995). So what this stat says is that 39 out of those 60 teams have made the playoffs...WOW! Mindboggling! INCREDIBLE! This stat is not statistically significant...and neither is Shanoff.
Danica, oh danica...
Well Shanoff, it looks as if your bold prediction of Danica Patrick winning the Indy 500 fell just a bit short...and now you're still trying to stay she's the best crossover athlete...once again we must take exception to this exceptional hyperbole.
Well...that's it for today - still have more work to get done...but even in about 5 minutes I could still prove that Shanoff is the leader of what we like to call The Sportswriters Demise....
Friday, May 27, 2005
The Daily Suckie - May 27th, 2005
Aloha friends (this is clever and all because I am Hawaii bound tomorrow)! Welcome to today's version of America's favorite sports column, the Daily Suckie. If you thought that our friend Shanoff would have an off day, think again. This guy is the Energizer Bunny of shit writing. So without further ado, let's get to it! (As always, the Daily Quickie in question can be found on the handy link to the left).
In today's Quickie, we are given the gift of:
Ginormous Overhyping and Sensationalism: "Yet even just a strong showing makes her the top "crossover" athlete of the ESPN Era, in any sport." Wow. Just wow. The greatest crossover athlete of any sport just by a decent showing? It really doesn't take a whole lot to win you over. If you are talking about women athletes in men's sports, then you mentioned a much more remarkable feat in the previous sentence: Annika Sorenstem on the PGA tour. There is a much greater physical barrier in an active sport like golf as opposed to auto racing. But then again, why would we want to focus past achievements already documented when you can extend your column by pretending like you know what you are talking about? When in doubt, hype the topic of your choice and make it be the greatest achievement ever. I know your formula Shanoff - and it smells like your mom's taco (ie: stank).
PS: Just wondering over here, what are the odds that Shanoff has never even seen this girl race before? My guess is that he read the main story on ESPN about this topic, and then ran with it. I have a feeling I am right.
Bandwagonation (I am copywriting this word): "As established in Game 2, this series is all about Dwyane Wade." As my esteemed colleague Adam eloquently highlighted yesterday, Shanoff already has done his about face on our good friend Dwyane. In game 1, the series was all about Detroit's D shutting down Dwyane and the Heat. Of course though, this was obviously overshadowed by Larry Brown leaving for the Cavs, right?
Failure to Admit Idiocy: "Yankees rule!" This comes after burying the Yankees when they were 11-19. Anyone with a remote interest in sports knows that not being great for the first 30 games of a 162 game season does not end a team's chances at doing well. Yet Shanoff berated the team and how bad the team was, all but counting them out. What was it that he stated? Oh yeah: "Yankees suck!" At least he is consistent.
Kiss my grits! More Overhype Based on a Recent Performance!: "Jake Peavy: NL's best pitcher throws 2-hit shutout vs. ARI." In case you all didn't know, throwing a two hit shutout qualifies you for the "best pitcher in whatever respective league you are in" award. There is no denying that Peavy is one of the finest young arms in the game. But if you actually took a half second to open the stats page for pitching in the NL, you will see many more qualified candidates for this title (check it out here: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/stats/pitching?sort=ERA) this year. We all know Peavy is a great pitcher, and in the near future should probably be in consideration for "best NL pitcher". But it wouldn't be a Quickie column unless Shanoff jumped the gun.
Well my friends, I will now bid you farewell as I take the week off. Despite his herpes issues, you are in good hands with Adam. I will see you all when I get back.
In today's Quickie, we are given the gift of:
Ginormous Overhyping and Sensationalism: "Yet even just a strong showing makes her the top "crossover" athlete of the ESPN Era, in any sport." Wow. Just wow. The greatest crossover athlete of any sport just by a decent showing? It really doesn't take a whole lot to win you over. If you are talking about women athletes in men's sports, then you mentioned a much more remarkable feat in the previous sentence: Annika Sorenstem on the PGA tour. There is a much greater physical barrier in an active sport like golf as opposed to auto racing. But then again, why would we want to focus past achievements already documented when you can extend your column by pretending like you know what you are talking about? When in doubt, hype the topic of your choice and make it be the greatest achievement ever. I know your formula Shanoff - and it smells like your mom's taco (ie: stank).
PS: Just wondering over here, what are the odds that Shanoff has never even seen this girl race before? My guess is that he read the main story on ESPN about this topic, and then ran with it. I have a feeling I am right.
Bandwagonation (I am copywriting this word): "As established in Game 2, this series is all about Dwyane Wade." As my esteemed colleague Adam eloquently highlighted yesterday, Shanoff already has done his about face on our good friend Dwyane. In game 1, the series was all about Detroit's D shutting down Dwyane and the Heat. Of course though, this was obviously overshadowed by Larry Brown leaving for the Cavs, right?
Failure to Admit Idiocy: "Yankees rule!" This comes after burying the Yankees when they were 11-19. Anyone with a remote interest in sports knows that not being great for the first 30 games of a 162 game season does not end a team's chances at doing well. Yet Shanoff berated the team and how bad the team was, all but counting them out. What was it that he stated? Oh yeah: "Yankees suck!" At least he is consistent.
Kiss my grits! More Overhype Based on a Recent Performance!: "Jake Peavy: NL's best pitcher throws 2-hit shutout vs. ARI." In case you all didn't know, throwing a two hit shutout qualifies you for the "best pitcher in whatever respective league you are in" award. There is no denying that Peavy is one of the finest young arms in the game. But if you actually took a half second to open the stats page for pitching in the NL, you will see many more qualified candidates for this title (check it out here: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/stats/pitching?sort=ERA) this year. We all know Peavy is a great pitcher, and in the near future should probably be in consideration for "best NL pitcher". But it wouldn't be a Quickie column unless Shanoff jumped the gun.
Well my friends, I will now bid you farewell as I take the week off. Despite his herpes issues, you are in good hands with Adam. I will see you all when I get back.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The Daily Suckie - May 26th, 2005
I woke up this morning and thought:
Dan Shanoff will be, ahem, pleasuring Dwayne Wade today in the Daily Quickie (see link on left).
And low and behold...
"He's a Dwyaniac! Dwyaniac! On the floor...And he's scoring like He's never scored before..."
First of all...GIVE ME A BREAK. What a stupid stupid analogy. Just because his supposed nickname is "Flash" you have to use a Flash Dance reference, inserting his name? This may be the worst quality writing I have ever seen.
"There was no shame in questioning his hype after game 1". YES THERE WAS. Just another example of how fickle you are Mr. Shanoff. Sportswriters are not paid to change allegiances every two seconds. You may complain that fans are bandwagoners, but you are the worst of them all, and hopefully your (dwindling) readers will notice this.
And no, he cannot single-handedly defeat the defending champs. Hello? Did you see Zo's playing last night? 4 blocks? That last one was SICK! How can you not mention an aging Alonzo Mourning playing so well? And then there is a little someone we like to call Shaq...
Brown nosed
The other day, Shanoff reported that Larry Brown was talking to the Cavs about a GM position...which was obviously just a rumor that writers like Shanoff helped to further by saying that they trumped the Pistons-Heat series. Why don't you actually act like a REPORTER and stop furthering rumors, Jackoff?
AI aint no 'Mo
Allen Iverson is a changed man Shanoff. Have the last two seasons not shown you that? Why do you insist that he will constantly challenge a coach that is one of his best friends and a great coach for the city of Philadelphia? Get your facts straight and do your research. Once again, Shanoff is trying to add heat to a fire where there isn't even any smoke.
Biggest Story
The Biggest story in the sports WORLD yesterday was Liverpool coming back from 3 goals down in 7 minutes to tie AC Milan in the Champions League Finals and then win it on PKs (3-2). And yet this bit is relegated to them having 'Mo. Actually, they dont have much 'mo because they can't even defend the title next year due to finishing 5th in the Premiership.
Incorrect Info:
Tampa was actually awarded the 2009 Superbowl, not 2008.
Pathetic attempt at humor:
Two days spent on the "Dwayne Wayne" joke? Don't you have any better material? What next, are you gonna start saying Wazzzzzzupppp?
That's it for today's Daily Suckie. Check in tomorrow for Rocke's addition, his last for a while as he goes to Hawaii for a whole week...leaving me to my own devices starting Tuesday (off for Memorial Day). See ya then!
Dan Shanoff will be, ahem, pleasuring Dwayne Wade today in the Daily Quickie (see link on left).
And low and behold...
"He's a Dwyaniac! Dwyaniac! On the floor...And he's scoring like He's never scored before..."
First of all...GIVE ME A BREAK. What a stupid stupid analogy. Just because his supposed nickname is "Flash" you have to use a Flash Dance reference, inserting his name? This may be the worst quality writing I have ever seen.
"There was no shame in questioning his hype after game 1". YES THERE WAS. Just another example of how fickle you are Mr. Shanoff. Sportswriters are not paid to change allegiances every two seconds. You may complain that fans are bandwagoners, but you are the worst of them all, and hopefully your (dwindling) readers will notice this.
And no, he cannot single-handedly defeat the defending champs. Hello? Did you see Zo's playing last night? 4 blocks? That last one was SICK! How can you not mention an aging Alonzo Mourning playing so well? And then there is a little someone we like to call Shaq...
Brown nosed
The other day, Shanoff reported that Larry Brown was talking to the Cavs about a GM position...which was obviously just a rumor that writers like Shanoff helped to further by saying that they trumped the Pistons-Heat series. Why don't you actually act like a REPORTER and stop furthering rumors, Jackoff?
AI aint no 'Mo
Allen Iverson is a changed man Shanoff. Have the last two seasons not shown you that? Why do you insist that he will constantly challenge a coach that is one of his best friends and a great coach for the city of Philadelphia? Get your facts straight and do your research. Once again, Shanoff is trying to add heat to a fire where there isn't even any smoke.
Biggest Story
The Biggest story in the sports WORLD yesterday was Liverpool coming back from 3 goals down in 7 minutes to tie AC Milan in the Champions League Finals and then win it on PKs (3-2). And yet this bit is relegated to them having 'Mo. Actually, they dont have much 'mo because they can't even defend the title next year due to finishing 5th in the Premiership.
Incorrect Info:
Tampa was actually awarded the 2009 Superbowl, not 2008.
Pathetic attempt at humor:
Two days spent on the "Dwayne Wayne" joke? Don't you have any better material? What next, are you gonna start saying Wazzzzzzupppp?
That's it for today's Daily Suckie. Check in tomorrow for Rocke's addition, his last for a while as he goes to Hawaii for a whole week...leaving me to my own devices starting Tuesday (off for Memorial Day). See ya then!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Do You Care
It is time for another "Do You Care", brought to you by the good people at ESPN.com and Elias Sports Bureau.
"With their 111-108 win at Phoenix, the Spurs became only the third team in NBA history to win the first two games in a playoff series on the road after having trailed entering the fourth quarter in each game."
Also, did you know that the Spurs are the first team ever to win two games in Phoenix when the temperature outside was 105 and 102 while starting Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili while playing in the 2005 playoffs? It's true. Elias can back me up here. I am glad that they can help come up with such important information. Thanks guys!
"With their 111-108 win at Phoenix, the Spurs became only the third team in NBA history to win the first two games in a playoff series on the road after having trailed entering the fourth quarter in each game."
Also, did you know that the Spurs are the first team ever to win two games in Phoenix when the temperature outside was 105 and 102 while starting Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili while playing in the 2005 playoffs? It's true. Elias can back me up here. I am glad that they can help come up with such important information. Thanks guys!
The Daily Suckie - May 25th, 2005
Happy Wednesday to you all! Welcome to today's edition of the Daily Suckie. It's a new day, which means TSD's favorite sportswriter has created yet another batch of toxic waste. Let's get to it shall we?
As always, you can find today's edition of the Quickie here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
In today's Quickie, we are treated to:
Rush to judgement: As expected, Shanoff has completely counted out the Suns after their loss to the Spurs on Tuesday night. This would a great time to rip on him for his blatant fairweather posturing, but he already did this after game 1. As stated in Monday's crap ass column, "And Spurs-Pistons? Like going to the dentist. But if Sunday's West opener (and Monday's Shaq uncertainties) are any indication, that's where we're headed." (not to be an ass, but nice grammar there. If Sunday's West opener ARE? No wonder you have a job writing for ESPN. Great work) There is no doubt that the Suns are in serious trouble. But this is the same guy who completely counted out the Mavs in their first round series after they lost the first 2 games at home. In other words, he only needs 1 or 2 games to "figure out" outcomes in sports. Why even play the rest of the series?
Stupid Statements: "The Spurs holding the Suns to 108 points is like holding other teams to under 80. But dropping them twice in Phoenix is like ending the series." So "holding" the Suns to two points under their regular season average is like holding other teams under 80? Uhh, as far as I know Shanoff, there wasn't one team that was averaging 82 points or less this season. Actually I know this because I took a second to look it up (New Orleans average a dreadful 88.4 a game). I tend to base my perceptions and opinions on factual information, as I don't enjoy sounding like a complete sensationalist moron. But hey, that's me. That second part of the quote goes hand-in-hand with the "Rush to Judgement" argument. Basically, Shanoff should change his name to Jackoff.
Ridiculous Claims: "Speaking of eclipses, suddenly, MIA-DET G2 is secondary to this newest Larry Brown subplot.So Brown was being honest when he said that the Pistons would be his last job in coaching ..." What?! Who the hell is even talking about this? This suddenly eclipses the Miami-Detroit series?? My ass it does. Tell me one sports network/sportswriter (Shanoff doesn't count because he is a joke)/fan who would care more about a rumored discussion involving Larry Brown taking a new position somewhere else (that's a new idea by the way - there hasn't been ANY talk of him leaving, ever. If you didn't know, that was a new thing which I like to call "sarcasm") before the actual game. If you can name one person, then let me know. I will send you a coke or something.
Pathetic Attempt at Humor/Waste of Time: I cannot believe ESPN.com is paying this guy to come up with topics like this: "Sure, Dwyane Wade is the hottest name in sports right now, but how does he stack up against a certain star of 'A Different World?'" If I was the Page 2 editor, I would have fired Shanoff on the spot for actually submitting this. Hell, I may have fired him for just bringing up the idea. This guy can make a living off of this? Seriously? I guess I am in the wrong line of work. Hey, I have an idea. How does Corey Maggette compare to Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World? How does NBA prospect Danny Granger compare to Danny Tanner from Full House? How does Tony Parker compare to Tony Danza? I've got a million of these, ESPN. Wanna hire me?
On that note, I bid you farewell. Tune in tomorrow for a dose of Adam.
As always, you can find today's edition of the Quickie here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
In today's Quickie, we are treated to:
Rush to judgement: As expected, Shanoff has completely counted out the Suns after their loss to the Spurs on Tuesday night. This would a great time to rip on him for his blatant fairweather posturing, but he already did this after game 1. As stated in Monday's crap ass column, "And Spurs-Pistons? Like going to the dentist. But if Sunday's West opener (and Monday's Shaq uncertainties) are any indication, that's where we're headed." (not to be an ass, but nice grammar there. If Sunday's West opener ARE? No wonder you have a job writing for ESPN. Great work) There is no doubt that the Suns are in serious trouble. But this is the same guy who completely counted out the Mavs in their first round series after they lost the first 2 games at home. In other words, he only needs 1 or 2 games to "figure out" outcomes in sports. Why even play the rest of the series?
Stupid Statements: "The Spurs holding the Suns to 108 points is like holding other teams to under 80. But dropping them twice in Phoenix is like ending the series." So "holding" the Suns to two points under their regular season average is like holding other teams under 80? Uhh, as far as I know Shanoff, there wasn't one team that was averaging 82 points or less this season. Actually I know this because I took a second to look it up (New Orleans average a dreadful 88.4 a game). I tend to base my perceptions and opinions on factual information, as I don't enjoy sounding like a complete sensationalist moron. But hey, that's me. That second part of the quote goes hand-in-hand with the "Rush to Judgement" argument. Basically, Shanoff should change his name to Jackoff.
Ridiculous Claims: "Speaking of eclipses, suddenly, MIA-DET G2 is secondary to this newest Larry Brown subplot.So Brown was being honest when he said that the Pistons would be his last job in coaching ..." What?! Who the hell is even talking about this? This suddenly eclipses the Miami-Detroit series?? My ass it does. Tell me one sports network/sportswriter (Shanoff doesn't count because he is a joke)/fan who would care more about a rumored discussion involving Larry Brown taking a new position somewhere else (that's a new idea by the way - there hasn't been ANY talk of him leaving, ever. If you didn't know, that was a new thing which I like to call "sarcasm") before the actual game. If you can name one person, then let me know. I will send you a coke or something.
Pathetic Attempt at Humor/Waste of Time: I cannot believe ESPN.com is paying this guy to come up with topics like this: "Sure, Dwyane Wade is the hottest name in sports right now, but how does he stack up against a certain star of 'A Different World?'" If I was the Page 2 editor, I would have fired Shanoff on the spot for actually submitting this. Hell, I may have fired him for just bringing up the idea. This guy can make a living off of this? Seriously? I guess I am in the wrong line of work. Hey, I have an idea. How does Corey Maggette compare to Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World? How does NBA prospect Danny Granger compare to Danny Tanner from Full House? How does Tony Parker compare to Tony Danza? I've got a million of these, ESPN. Wanna hire me?
On that note, I bid you farewell. Tune in tomorrow for a dose of Adam.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The Daily Suckie - May 24th, 2005
Ah Dan Shanoff, you have given me a nice slowpitch in the heart of the plate today for my first edition of the Daily Suckie.
The Lead Idiot...
First off, let's start with the sweetspot. Let's "Flash" back to May 13th's daily quickie: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie?date=050513
"...Because three games (and the brink of a sweep) later, the Heat's MVP is so obviously Dwyane Wade, making moot the argument that Shaq got robbed...He's unstoppable..."
And now, let's move ahead to today's quickie:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
"Welcome to the real playoffs, Dwyane. Maybe feasting on the Nets and Wizards actually softened him up for the Pistons. Maybe he doesn't make it look too easy; consider it actually has been too easy. It's like grade inflation at an Ivy League school; call it "Wade inflation." Because when finally faced with a team that plays defense, he was locked down...nd rather than vaulting over Kobe, Wade has never looked more like him -- at least the version that was stymied by the Pistons last June.So what happens to Wade's overloaded bandwagon now?"
That's a good question, Mr. Shanoff, considering that you were probably the driver of Dwayne Wade's bandwagon, and tried to convince all of your readers that they should hop on with you. But it's ONE game. You cannot say, especially after proclaiming Wade the true-MVP, that he now sucks and is on the same level with Kobe. Make these kind of conclusions when he fails to elevate his game in the next few games, but not after one game against what many people view as the best defensive team in the league. At least give the guy some time to adjust to a defense that is levels above the Wizards and Nets...
Lottery 'advice'
Are we supposed to feel sorry for you as a Wizards "fan", Dan? Why don't you turn this item and the one about tonight's Suns-Spurs game into information that's really important: Tonight is a great night for the NBA. Even most casual fans will want to watch the Lottery (8 et) and the Suns-Spurs game (9 et). And yes, for the Suns, this is an important game, but it is just as much for the Spurs. And it is definitely not a "must-win". There's that hyperbole we've come to expect Shanoff.
Free-Agents for All!
Oh Dan, you missed a great chance here...if every NFL player was a free agent, who would you sign first? Such a great topic for discussion...
Marquette, forget?
Yes, it's cool that Marquette students get to pick a new name for their team. But most of your readers have no involvement in this very trivial project. Why not relegate this item to the "Odds and Ends" category?
The O'Brien Firin'
O'Brien didn't torch relationships with any players but Webber, who was a late addition that didn't really belong on the Sixers anyway. In fact, Jim O'Brien had one of the better relationships with AI, which is the most important factor in coaching the Sixers well. What it comes down to is that Cheeks is a Sixer through and through and although O'Brien didn't get a fair shot, the Sixers got the man they really want to coach. I'm a casual fan, not a sportswriter and even I know this, Shanoff.
That's it for this additon of the Daily Suckie. Check back tomorrow for Rocke's contribution...
The Lead Idiot...
First off, let's start with the sweetspot. Let's "Flash" back to May 13th's daily quickie: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie?date=050513
"...Because three games (and the brink of a sweep) later, the Heat's MVP is so obviously Dwyane Wade, making moot the argument that Shaq got robbed...He's unstoppable..."
And now, let's move ahead to today's quickie:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
"Welcome to the real playoffs, Dwyane. Maybe feasting on the Nets and Wizards actually softened him up for the Pistons. Maybe he doesn't make it look too easy; consider it actually has been too easy. It's like grade inflation at an Ivy League school; call it "Wade inflation." Because when finally faced with a team that plays defense, he was locked down...nd rather than vaulting over Kobe, Wade has never looked more like him -- at least the version that was stymied by the Pistons last June.So what happens to Wade's overloaded bandwagon now?"
That's a good question, Mr. Shanoff, considering that you were probably the driver of Dwayne Wade's bandwagon, and tried to convince all of your readers that they should hop on with you. But it's ONE game. You cannot say, especially after proclaiming Wade the true-MVP, that he now sucks and is on the same level with Kobe. Make these kind of conclusions when he fails to elevate his game in the next few games, but not after one game against what many people view as the best defensive team in the league. At least give the guy some time to adjust to a defense that is levels above the Wizards and Nets...
Lottery 'advice'
Are we supposed to feel sorry for you as a Wizards "fan", Dan? Why don't you turn this item and the one about tonight's Suns-Spurs game into information that's really important: Tonight is a great night for the NBA. Even most casual fans will want to watch the Lottery (8 et) and the Suns-Spurs game (9 et). And yes, for the Suns, this is an important game, but it is just as much for the Spurs. And it is definitely not a "must-win". There's that hyperbole we've come to expect Shanoff.
Free-Agents for All!
Oh Dan, you missed a great chance here...if every NFL player was a free agent, who would you sign first? Such a great topic for discussion...
Marquette, forget?
Yes, it's cool that Marquette students get to pick a new name for their team. But most of your readers have no involvement in this very trivial project. Why not relegate this item to the "Odds and Ends" category?
The O'Brien Firin'
O'Brien didn't torch relationships with any players but Webber, who was a late addition that didn't really belong on the Sixers anyway. In fact, Jim O'Brien had one of the better relationships with AI, which is the most important factor in coaching the Sixers well. What it comes down to is that Cheeks is a Sixer through and through and although O'Brien didn't get a fair shot, the Sixers got the man they really want to coach. I'm a casual fan, not a sportswriter and even I know this, Shanoff.
That's it for this additon of the Daily Suckie. Check back tomorrow for Rocke's contribution...
Friday, May 20, 2005
Do You Care?
Another regular feature we will have at TSD is pointing out inane, often stupifying statistics that writers and TV commentators alike tend to wax on and on about. One major example is Did You Know? on Sportscenter. These facts and stats are so forced and so inconsequential that they just need to be mocked.
Todays Do You Care? from: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/15/sports/15records.ready.html (login required)
Highest Trillion in an N.B.A. Game: 12 000 000 000 000
This was Kenny Walker's line for the Washington Bullets against the Atlanta Hawks in a box score on Dec. 11, 1993. The column headings in a standard N.B.A. box score account for 13 categories: minutes, field goals made, field goals attempted, free throws made, free throws attempted, offensive rebounds, total rebounds, assists, steals, blocks, turnovers, personal fouls and points.
A player's minutes followed by 12 zeroes earns him a trillion, indicating he has been in the game but with no statistical evidence to prove that he has contributed in any meaningful way.
Lets waste space on an inconsequential stat that highlights a players single game ineptitude. Seriously, does anyone really want to know or care about this type of stat? Do you think Kenny Walker even remembers the game? What does this contribute to today's sports dialogue? Not one bit. It'd be like telling you that Jim Thome went 0-4 on April 11th @Florida. Yes, it's an interesting stat to report the next day (for fantasy baseball purposes or to rile up the ever passionate philly fans), but definitely not the next week or 12 years down the line.
Todays Do You Care? from: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/15/sports/15records.ready.html (login required)
Highest Trillion in an N.B.A. Game: 12 000 000 000 000
This was Kenny Walker's line for the Washington Bullets against the Atlanta Hawks in a box score on Dec. 11, 1993. The column headings in a standard N.B.A. box score account for 13 categories: minutes, field goals made, field goals attempted, free throws made, free throws attempted, offensive rebounds, total rebounds, assists, steals, blocks, turnovers, personal fouls and points.
A player's minutes followed by 12 zeroes earns him a trillion, indicating he has been in the game but with no statistical evidence to prove that he has contributed in any meaningful way.
Lets waste space on an inconsequential stat that highlights a players single game ineptitude. Seriously, does anyone really want to know or care about this type of stat? Do you think Kenny Walker even remembers the game? What does this contribute to today's sports dialogue? Not one bit. It'd be like telling you that Jim Thome went 0-4 on April 11th @Florida. Yes, it's an interesting stat to report the next day (for fantasy baseball purposes or to rile up the ever passionate philly fans), but definitely not the next week or 12 years down the line.
The Daily Suckie - May 20th, 2005
TSD has a lot of enemies in the sportwriting world, but we hold a special place in our heart for Dan Shanoff, ESPN.com author of the Daily Quickie. Not only does this guy represent all that is wrong with the sports media, but he is an annoying, fickle grundle to boot. As such, TSD staff feels the need to highlight his "columns" (I use quotation marks as I do not feel contributions can be classified as real writing) . Since he does a daily feature, The Daily Suckie will be posted every weekday here at TSD.
Today's : http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
As you may or may not know, after the home teams all won their first game in the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs, Shanoff decided to bestow upon the world his amazing theory: that all four teams would sweep their opponent based on the one game of action. Obviously, you can see why this guy has a job writing for ESPN. This is the type of guy we are dealing with here: a fickle moron with unsubstantiated claims and theories.
It is actually a shame we are starting this today, as we don't have the usual number of preposterous claims and stupid comments that usually permeate Shanoff's material. Despite this, we still have something to work with. In today's Quickie, we have:
Absurd Sensationalism: "Forget Annika at the Colonial in 2003 (or even Wie at the Masters in 2010); Patrick winning the Indy 500 would be the greatest gender-bending moment in sports history."
Sports history? Give me a break. This guy finds one plotline that is remotely interesting (in this case a female race car driver) and he does whatever he can to try to blow it out of proportion. It is amazing that this guy can find the most significant events in a sport's history every single week. Maybe there is something I am missing here. Nah, he is just a sensationalist.
A Lack of Credibility: "WHO'S GOT THE MOMENTUM ... WNBA: New season opens (Pick to click: Chamique in L.A.)"
I am sorry, but the placement of the WNBA in a positive light? I don't think so Shanoff.
A Lack of Sports Common Sense: "Biggest let-down: The Nats will play Toronto, rather than Baltimore. (Bet Angelos wishes he could get that series now ...)" (In honor of my esteemed co-author)
So just because DC now has a team and is the city closest to Baltimore, there should be an instant rivalry during the first week of Interleague play? Let's not mention the fact that Philly-Baltimore has played in rivalry week for a while now (36 games my friends). That would make too much sense, and we can't be having that in a sports column.
Stale Jokes: "NHL: League, union talked for 14 hours yesterday, which is longer than all the talk about hockey from fans since June 2004 ... combined."
OK, we get it. No one cares about the hockey strike. How many times can you overuse one joke?
"schadenfreud"
He has used this word more than I use the word "the" in my everyday life. It is not funny nor clever, so do us a favor and "schaddenup". (Wow I am almost as clever as he is!)
Come back Monday for the next edition of The Daily Suckie, hosted by Adam. Have a good weekend.
Today's : http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie
As you may or may not know, after the home teams all won their first game in the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs, Shanoff decided to bestow upon the world his amazing theory: that all four teams would sweep their opponent based on the one game of action. Obviously, you can see why this guy has a job writing for ESPN. This is the type of guy we are dealing with here: a fickle moron with unsubstantiated claims and theories.
It is actually a shame we are starting this today, as we don't have the usual number of preposterous claims and stupid comments that usually permeate Shanoff's material. Despite this, we still have something to work with. In today's Quickie, we have:
Absurd Sensationalism: "Forget Annika at the Colonial in 2003 (or even Wie at the Masters in 2010); Patrick winning the Indy 500 would be the greatest gender-bending moment in sports history."
Sports history? Give me a break. This guy finds one plotline that is remotely interesting (in this case a female race car driver) and he does whatever he can to try to blow it out of proportion. It is amazing that this guy can find the most significant events in a sport's history every single week. Maybe there is something I am missing here. Nah, he is just a sensationalist.
A Lack of Credibility: "WHO'S GOT THE MOMENTUM ... WNBA: New season opens (Pick to click: Chamique in L.A.)"
I am sorry, but the placement of the WNBA in a positive light? I don't think so Shanoff.
A Lack of Sports Common Sense: "Biggest let-down: The Nats will play Toronto, rather than Baltimore. (Bet Angelos wishes he could get that series now ...)" (In honor of my esteemed co-author)
So just because DC now has a team and is the city closest to Baltimore, there should be an instant rivalry during the first week of Interleague play? Let's not mention the fact that Philly-Baltimore has played in rivalry week for a while now (36 games my friends). That would make too much sense, and we can't be having that in a sports column.
Stale Jokes: "NHL: League, union talked for 14 hours yesterday, which is longer than all the talk about hockey from fans since June 2004 ... combined."
OK, we get it. No one cares about the hockey strike. How many times can you overuse one joke?
"schadenfreud"
He has used this word more than I use the word "the" in my everyday life. It is not funny nor clever, so do us a favor and "schaddenup". (Wow I am almost as clever as he is!)
Come back Monday for the next edition of The Daily Suckie, hosted by Adam. Have a good weekend.
Welcome
As co-founder of The Sportswriters Demise super-fun-happy blog, I would like to welcome you to a magical place. What we are trying to do here is to point out the idiocy of today's sportswriter. From the mentioning of asinine statistics to the spouting off of ludicrous theories for the sole purpose of attention, the modern sportswriter must be stopped. That is why the SD (Sportswriters Demise for those scoring at home) team here has been created. Not only do we intend to point out annoyances and stupidity, but we shall also change the world - one blog posting at a time.
Getting started
We have recently discovered the Sportswriters Demise - that is the downfall of the American sportswriter. This intelligent group of people have fallen into the trap of declaring G.O.A.Ts where there aren't any, best performances ever for an average performance, have used the race-card in everything from steroids to horse-ownership and have pretty much lost touch of reality all in the name of increasing their readership and hoping to make a name for themselves so they can reach the promised land: Television (see Stephen A Smith for one example).
This blog will deconstruct these hyperboles and present an unbiased view on the way sports ACTUALLY is today, with no hope for fame or fortune that so many of today's sportswriters fall into.
This blog will deconstruct these hyperboles and present an unbiased view on the way sports ACTUALLY is today, with no hope for fame or fortune that so many of today's sportswriters fall into.
