Thursday, July 14, 2005
Just one Thing
To all the haters out there, especially Shanoff:
F*ck You.
Hockey is back.
F*ck You.
Hockey is back.
Friday, July 08, 2005
A bit on yesterday's Quickie
If you see July 7th's Quickie (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/quickie?date=050707) you will come across the most lame-ass bashing of the NHL in recent memory. I just wanted to have a say on this.
1). The joke about hockey not being remembered by the general public is LAME and OLD. If it wasn't on the horizon, then you wouldn't be talking about it, remember?
2). The general consensus from the public, as far as I can tell from polls I have read ranges from not having an opinion yet to general excitement. Maybe you should pay attention to these polls instead of sniffing your own ass like a dog. Oh wait, you're not even as good as a dog. You're more like a maggot.
3). You don't need to take a shot at something that Jeremy Roenick DIDNT EVEN SAY. Get it right - read the entire interview. Take the time to be a journalist. That's why they are (unfortunately) paying you up there at ESPN.com.
4). Gimmicks are coming. See the competition committee. See the open lottery for Crosby, see the reduced ticket prices and reduced salaries. The NHL is planning for the comeback.
5). If you would ask most NHL players right now, they would agree that the lockout sucked and they need to do some major ass-kissing to the fans to make it up to them. The players are excited to be back, excited to play with new, cheaper players, excited to win back the fans support and shoo away any apathy that may have crept in.
Mostly though, they should be excited to prove assholes like you wrong; hockey is one hell of a sport with more action and passion that most other sports combined. It is way more relevant than poker or dancing and will prove that to america with vigor this year. And then I can't wait for someone to take a skate and shove it up your ass Shanoff. Pessimism gets you nowhere in life.
1). The joke about hockey not being remembered by the general public is LAME and OLD. If it wasn't on the horizon, then you wouldn't be talking about it, remember?
2). The general consensus from the public, as far as I can tell from polls I have read ranges from not having an opinion yet to general excitement. Maybe you should pay attention to these polls instead of sniffing your own ass like a dog. Oh wait, you're not even as good as a dog. You're more like a maggot.
3). You don't need to take a shot at something that Jeremy Roenick DIDNT EVEN SAY. Get it right - read the entire interview. Take the time to be a journalist. That's why they are (unfortunately) paying you up there at ESPN.com.
4). Gimmicks are coming. See the competition committee. See the open lottery for Crosby, see the reduced ticket prices and reduced salaries. The NHL is planning for the comeback.
5). If you would ask most NHL players right now, they would agree that the lockout sucked and they need to do some major ass-kissing to the fans to make it up to them. The players are excited to be back, excited to play with new, cheaper players, excited to win back the fans support and shoo away any apathy that may have crept in.
Mostly though, they should be excited to prove assholes like you wrong; hockey is one hell of a sport with more action and passion that most other sports combined. It is way more relevant than poker or dancing and will prove that to america with vigor this year. And then I can't wait for someone to take a skate and shove it up your ass Shanoff. Pessimism gets you nowhere in life.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
The Daily Suckie - July 7th, 2005
Welcome to today's edition of the Suckie, sponsored by us here at TSD. As always, we will be tearing Shanoff's world famously awful column apart. And like always, Danny Boy does not disappoint, writing yet another truly wrecthed waste of space. In today's Quickie, we have to put up with:
Stale Jokes/Stupid Ideas/More Bitching/Etc.
Obviously, this is in regards to his posting on hockey. Like I said a few weeks ago, I hate the NHL, but I can still say without a doubt that Shanoff's bagging on the league is unbearable. As much as I would like to rip on him for all of this right now, I know my collegue Adam (an NHL fan) has a lot to say on this, so I will allow him to address this one himself. Look for that to be posted a little later. Oh, and F you Shanoff.
Yet Another Misfire on Facts:
"McMillan Bolts: Yes, it was the money. Someone doesn't leave a city he's played and coached in his entire NBA career (Seattle) for the regional rival for any other reason."
Um, there are other reasons he left you twat, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about them. In case you haven't been following this situation (and it is obvious Shanoff hasn't - go figure), Nate McMillan has been the coach of the Sonics since 2000. For the past two years, there has been rumors floating around that he would be fired by the team. He even was considered one of the coaches most likely to be fired at the beginning of last season. And let's not forget the team let his contract expire and instead of re-upping it, which they could have done all year when he was leading them to one of the best records in the league, they decided to take a wait and see approach. He has been put off, mistreated, and taken for granted for years in Seattle. He has been nothing but loyal to the Sonic organization the last almost 20 years. To say that he wasn't shown the same loyalty would be quite the understatement. How can the fact he HAD to have felt disrespected for years not even be touched upon? How can that be completely ignored when taking into consideration the reasons for his leaving the Sonics? Oh that's right... because Danny Boy is a complete and total hack. Yes, the fact that he would make double the money in Portland plays a role in this. To say it is the only motivation is just stupid. But would we expect anything less from the cumrag?
More Absurd Claims:
"In your Face! The biggest story of "Final Man" voting wasn't that Pods earned a spot; it was that Jeter -- the "Face of Baseball" -- lost. In a simple up-or-down vote, fans rejected Jeter and everything he stands for. His minions can't possibly claim 'Face' status anymore."
As a Jeter hater, let me say this: I have no clue why Danny Boy is revelling in this so God damn much. For this being such a non-story according to yesterday's Quickie, he sure has focused a ton of time to this stupid story. He is coming across as a complete and total fucknut (quite an easy task for him, I know) with his handling of this. So Jeter has lost the "Face of Baseball" tag (I don't even know where this came from, but Danny Boy has been devestated by this title as he has mentioned it for months in his craptastic columns) because some fans felt someone else deserved to be playing in the All Star Game over him. I didn't realize that this was the only necessity in order to be a representative of the game. And I guess that what a player stands for is the most important element when considering who is an all star and who is not. It shouldn't be based on how they play the game, as that is of no importance. It is all about their public persona. Thank God we have Shanoff here to help us realize this. In essence, what Danny Boy is trying to say here is this: "In your face Jeter"! You might as well retire now because you have no worth anymore! You suck! LOLZ ROFLZORZZ!1!!!!" The handling of this shows yet another reason why Danny Boy is rhino spooge.
More Stupidity:
"NL: Astros SP Roy Oswalt in. Sealed by two things: Oz's W the day the ballot came out, plus fan sympathy for his jobbed teammate Morgan Ensberg."
I didn't realize that the common fan felt such an emotional attachment to Morgan Ensberg that they were moved to vote for Roy Oswalt as an All Star. I would have thought that Oswalt's performance all year would have had something to do with his being voted onto the team, but luckily, Danny boy has dug deep for and found the truth. One good outing right before the vote and a slighted teammate is all that is needed to be a fan favorite for All Star. Remember that next year when voting, people.
Hypocrisy and Sensationalizing:
"Usually, PGA golf doesn't get interesting until Sunday, and even then only if Tiger is in the mix. But Michelle Wie changes everything. Hello: On the men's tour? She's even more must-see than Tiger. Factoring in age, experience and gender, she's the most talented golfer in the world."
Holy God, I cannot describe to you how much I loathe this asshole. I really cannot. Whenever there is a major golfing event, he rambles on about one of the "Big 4" in golf, and comments on how they make the game interesting. Usually he will jump on one of their bandwagons. Now, I guess no one pays attention to golf until Sunday unless Tiger is involved. Quite a difference from his "The Big 4 is great for golf and get people to watch" argument he has made numerous times this year. Also, does anyone else find it odd that he feels the need to talk about the LPGA more than most sports. Something makes me think he is actually a butch woman.
And seriously, what the FUCK is up with his claim that Wie is the most talented golfer in the world?! Because she is good and young, she is the most talented golfer in the world?! Is that all it takes? It doesn't matter that she has never won any semi-major event. It doesn't matter that there are about 100+ golfers that would whallop her in any event. Why you ask? Because she is a young woman and has played in a couple of men's tournaments. That is all it takes to be the most talented in the world I guess. Forget that she isn't even the most talented woman in her sport. That would ruin his jumping on the hype bandwagon, and what would Danny Boy be able to contribute to the world if that happened? The same thing he contributes now: nothing.
More Ego-Stroking:
"Perhaps taking their cue from Tuesday's Quickie, the Red Sox are sending Curt Schilling to the bullpen to continue rehab. He's gotta be better than Foulke, with his throat "knee" problems."
Pat yourelf on the back more, you dildo. To even suggest that you had something to do with a personnel decision in any capacity is absurd. The day someone important gives anything you say a serious thought is the day the four horsemen of the apocalypse ride into town and wipe out the human population. And nice Danny Boy, using the Foulke "throat" injury joke two days in a row. How original.
And with that my friends, I am out of here. Big Game Rob will offer up his second Quickie ever tomorrow, so be sure to check in.
And in more important news, TSD sends out our condolences to the people of London. We hate terrorists more than Shanoff and Bayless here. Combined! Stay safe friends.
Stale Jokes/Stupid Ideas/More Bitching/Etc.
Obviously, this is in regards to his posting on hockey. Like I said a few weeks ago, I hate the NHL, but I can still say without a doubt that Shanoff's bagging on the league is unbearable. As much as I would like to rip on him for all of this right now, I know my collegue Adam (an NHL fan) has a lot to say on this, so I will allow him to address this one himself. Look for that to be posted a little later. Oh, and F you Shanoff.
Yet Another Misfire on Facts:
"McMillan Bolts: Yes, it was the money. Someone doesn't leave a city he's played and coached in his entire NBA career (Seattle) for the regional rival for any other reason."
Um, there are other reasons he left you twat, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about them. In case you haven't been following this situation (and it is obvious Shanoff hasn't - go figure), Nate McMillan has been the coach of the Sonics since 2000. For the past two years, there has been rumors floating around that he would be fired by the team. He even was considered one of the coaches most likely to be fired at the beginning of last season. And let's not forget the team let his contract expire and instead of re-upping it, which they could have done all year when he was leading them to one of the best records in the league, they decided to take a wait and see approach. He has been put off, mistreated, and taken for granted for years in Seattle. He has been nothing but loyal to the Sonic organization the last almost 20 years. To say that he wasn't shown the same loyalty would be quite the understatement. How can the fact he HAD to have felt disrespected for years not even be touched upon? How can that be completely ignored when taking into consideration the reasons for his leaving the Sonics? Oh that's right... because Danny Boy is a complete and total hack. Yes, the fact that he would make double the money in Portland plays a role in this. To say it is the only motivation is just stupid. But would we expect anything less from the cumrag?
More Absurd Claims:
"In your Face! The biggest story of "Final Man" voting wasn't that Pods earned a spot; it was that Jeter -- the "Face of Baseball" -- lost. In a simple up-or-down vote, fans rejected Jeter and everything he stands for. His minions can't possibly claim 'Face' status anymore."
As a Jeter hater, let me say this: I have no clue why Danny Boy is revelling in this so God damn much. For this being such a non-story according to yesterday's Quickie, he sure has focused a ton of time to this stupid story. He is coming across as a complete and total fucknut (quite an easy task for him, I know) with his handling of this. So Jeter has lost the "Face of Baseball" tag (I don't even know where this came from, but Danny Boy has been devestated by this title as he has mentioned it for months in his craptastic columns) because some fans felt someone else deserved to be playing in the All Star Game over him. I didn't realize that this was the only necessity in order to be a representative of the game. And I guess that what a player stands for is the most important element when considering who is an all star and who is not. It shouldn't be based on how they play the game, as that is of no importance. It is all about their public persona. Thank God we have Shanoff here to help us realize this. In essence, what Danny Boy is trying to say here is this: "In your face Jeter"! You might as well retire now because you have no worth anymore! You suck! LOLZ ROFLZORZZ!1!!!!" The handling of this shows yet another reason why Danny Boy is rhino spooge.
More Stupidity:
"NL: Astros SP Roy Oswalt in. Sealed by two things: Oz's W the day the ballot came out, plus fan sympathy for his jobbed teammate Morgan Ensberg."
I didn't realize that the common fan felt such an emotional attachment to Morgan Ensberg that they were moved to vote for Roy Oswalt as an All Star. I would have thought that Oswalt's performance all year would have had something to do with his being voted onto the team, but luckily, Danny boy has dug deep for and found the truth. One good outing right before the vote and a slighted teammate is all that is needed to be a fan favorite for All Star. Remember that next year when voting, people.
Hypocrisy and Sensationalizing:
"Usually, PGA golf doesn't get interesting until Sunday, and even then only if Tiger is in the mix. But Michelle Wie changes everything. Hello: On the men's tour? She's even more must-see than Tiger. Factoring in age, experience and gender, she's the most talented golfer in the world."
Holy God, I cannot describe to you how much I loathe this asshole. I really cannot. Whenever there is a major golfing event, he rambles on about one of the "Big 4" in golf, and comments on how they make the game interesting. Usually he will jump on one of their bandwagons. Now, I guess no one pays attention to golf until Sunday unless Tiger is involved. Quite a difference from his "The Big 4 is great for golf and get people to watch" argument he has made numerous times this year. Also, does anyone else find it odd that he feels the need to talk about the LPGA more than most sports. Something makes me think he is actually a butch woman.
And seriously, what the FUCK is up with his claim that Wie is the most talented golfer in the world?! Because she is good and young, she is the most talented golfer in the world?! Is that all it takes? It doesn't matter that she has never won any semi-major event. It doesn't matter that there are about 100+ golfers that would whallop her in any event. Why you ask? Because she is a young woman and has played in a couple of men's tournaments. That is all it takes to be the most talented in the world I guess. Forget that she isn't even the most talented woman in her sport. That would ruin his jumping on the hype bandwagon, and what would Danny Boy be able to contribute to the world if that happened? The same thing he contributes now: nothing.
More Ego-Stroking:
"Perhaps taking their cue from Tuesday's Quickie, the Red Sox are sending Curt Schilling to the bullpen to continue rehab. He's gotta be better than Foulke, with his throat "knee" problems."
Pat yourelf on the back more, you dildo. To even suggest that you had something to do with a personnel decision in any capacity is absurd. The day someone important gives anything you say a serious thought is the day the four horsemen of the apocalypse ride into town and wipe out the human population. And nice Danny Boy, using the Foulke "throat" injury joke two days in a row. How original.
And with that my friends, I am out of here. Big Game Rob will offer up his second Quickie ever tomorrow, so be sure to check in.
And in more important news, TSD sends out our condolences to the people of London. We hate terrorists more than Shanoff and Bayless here. Combined! Stay safe friends.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
In the Redd
As some of you NBA followers might know, Michael Redd is a free agent shooting guard who is deciding between contract offers between the Bucks and the Cavaliers. Seeing how he played for the Bucks, the team was allowed to offer him a maximum contract extension in the range of $90+ million over 6 years. The Cavs have offered him the maximum amount they can throw his way: 5 years at roughly $70 million. Basically, Redd needs to make a decision - does he want to show his loyalty while picking up $20+ million more than any team can offer him, or does he want to return to his home state and play with a premiere talent in LeBron James? This is a valid question and is one that is being brought up by sports journalists across the country. Unfortunately, it is not being handled very well outside of the above explanation, if you ask me.
I have witnessed on numerous sports programs and in various sports articles that state Redd would be crazy not to play in Cleveland, despite leaving $20+ million on the table. This is indeed personal opinion, and while I might not agree with said opinion, I can respect that. What I can't respect are some of these sports journalists' reasons for suggesting this. As the Cavs collapsed over the 2nd half of the season, we were treated to, on a daily basis, an overabundance of "LBJ will be leaving Cleveland for NYC, Chicago, or LA" talk because he would receive a lot more money via his endorsements (perhaps in the $20+ million range, coincidentally?) if he did so. So basically, after repeatedly pounding this "LBJ is leaving Cleveland when his contract is up" talk into the public, we are being told by many of these SAME WRITERS that Michael Redd should join the Cavs to play with LeBron. Does anyone see anything wrong with this? Why would Redd commit to a long term contract based on the prospect of being Pippen to LBJ's Jordan if James is just going to leave the franchise in a couple of years? How does this make any sense? I have no problem with this argument being made if there wasn't all of this rubbish about LBJ leaving. But for some of these journalists to suggest this after spending so much time focusing on LBJ's eventual departure seems hypocritical, irresponsible and moronic. But I guess this is to be expected nowadays with the talent in sports journalism that is out there.
I have witnessed on numerous sports programs and in various sports articles that state Redd would be crazy not to play in Cleveland, despite leaving $20+ million on the table. This is indeed personal opinion, and while I might not agree with said opinion, I can respect that. What I can't respect are some of these sports journalists' reasons for suggesting this. As the Cavs collapsed over the 2nd half of the season, we were treated to, on a daily basis, an overabundance of "LBJ will be leaving Cleveland for NYC, Chicago, or LA" talk because he would receive a lot more money via his endorsements (perhaps in the $20+ million range, coincidentally?) if he did so. So basically, after repeatedly pounding this "LBJ is leaving Cleveland when his contract is up" talk into the public, we are being told by many of these SAME WRITERS that Michael Redd should join the Cavs to play with LeBron. Does anyone see anything wrong with this? Why would Redd commit to a long term contract based on the prospect of being Pippen to LBJ's Jordan if James is just going to leave the franchise in a couple of years? How does this make any sense? I have no problem with this argument being made if there wasn't all of this rubbish about LBJ leaving. But for some of these journalists to suggest this after spending so much time focusing on LBJ's eventual departure seems hypocritical, irresponsible and moronic. But I guess this is to be expected nowadays with the talent in sports journalism that is out there.
The Daily Suckie - July 6th, 2005
Well, after a nice long, drunken weekend, I'm back with today's edition of the Daily Suckie. Our public enemy #1 Dan Shanoff has written a bastard child of a column today (link on your left as usual) that is full of maggot ridden feces and in its lack of beauty is even worse than the cumulative puke of my lifetime.
Now then, on to the show; Today we have:
Boo Hoo, F YOU!
First off, why is Shanoff taking a low blow on NYC when they just lost a bid for the Olympics? It is not as if they did anything wrong. Yet Shanoff writes: Finishing ahead of Moscow is nothing to brag about; getting beat out by Madrid is embarrassing.
It is? Says who? You who doesn't know a thing about the Olympic Selection committee? You who has his head up his own ass? Madrid, by all accounts, put together an excellent proposal but was most likely shot down b/c the summer olympics were recently in Barcelona.
The good news is that you've got four years to figure out a plan; the better news is that you're competing with New York.
You gotta stop hating my friend. I'll be the first to admit that NYC gets way too much hype and there are even better cities on the East coast, but the city does have it going on when it comes to sports, entertainment and hot hot women (Rocke will dispute this point and point to Phoenix). Competing with NYC is not an easy thing to do.
Boasting, should be Roasting,
Quickie readers made an impact in the Lee vs. Pujols last-minute voting surge, and you're encouraged to do it again in the All-Star "Final Man" vote, which ends tonight at 8.
Lets get this straight Jackoff - I think it was most likely the legions of Cubs fans who helped get Lee voted in over Pujols - not your lame excuse for grandstanding. So to think that you will have anything to do with it if Podsednik gets voted in over Jeter is just horse shit.
He then has the gall to write:
Schadenfreud: Wouldn't it be hilarious if the "Face of Baseball" couldn't even win a lousy run-off among All-Star also-rans?
Wait...this is a lousy run-0ff? Then why are you making such a big deal out of it? Didn't you just say a couple of days ago how important it is for fans to vote for these things? Wasn't the Final Man the theme of your entire column yesterday?!?! Dude you're such an idiot that I think my head is about to explode.
And why must you continue to use the word Schadenfreud? And by the way, it is supposed to be spelled Schadenfreude. You call yourself a journalist.
Idiocy by the douchekeg-ful
Forget Willis or Clemens; Nats closer Chad Cordero (30 saves) is the first-half NL Cy Young winner. What?!?! Ok, yes it is possible for a closer to win the Cy Young. But in the last few weeks you have consistently sucked the cocks of both Willis and Clemens, and now you jump on the newst bandwagon and take it in the ass from Cordero? Man you are such a hooker with a penis.
Manny-Greatest Slammer Ever? Hit his 20th last night (3rd of the season) and is only 3 behind Gehrig for tops all time. Ah, what a surprise. Instant history expert Shanoff dubs someone the greatest slammer of all time. But what you must take into consideration is that Manny probably has hundreds of more attempts with the bases loaded than most MLB players, due to the copious amount of talent in front of him. Dubbing him the best slammer ever is like saying that Scottie Pippen is the best basketball player ever. Come to think of it, if Pippen had scored 45/12 on one night, I bet Shanoff would have given him that title.
Would A-Rod actually play for the D.R. over the U.S.? The WBC edge goes to whichever team lands him.
So we can bash A-Rod, and then say that he will be a difference maker if the WBC happens? I think that the WBC will actually come down to how good an entire team is, not one player.
You will make me so angry I will rip your head off
Remember hockey? (No? You don't? Wait: You say you do, but don't care? Gotcha. If so, then reading the following is optional.)
Ok. That is it. I've had it with your lame ass stale jokes about how hockey is irrelevant. This is not the mark of good journalism. This is the mark of someone who makes a judgement about a sport and refuses to change their pea-sized mind about it. Hockey is an excellent sport that just went through a brutal CBA negotiation that will cause the sport to lose many fans. It hurt and it sucked. But what the sport does not have time for is lame assholes like yourself who continue to trash it as it is making extreme progress. I want to see you go out there day in and day out and lace up your skates and got knocked around by guys who weigh 250 lbs. Scared now? Yeah, I thought so. You are a worthless piece of pig intenstine and I hope that your anus is eaten by a 15 foot long python.
Shamless plug of ESPN product
Will the Knicks trade Marbury? Should they? Chad Ford's annual summer blueprints are yet another reason you should be an Insider.
As if Insider isn't pimped enough on ESPN.com. Now this piece of cockroach dung is advertising it on his column. As if you're column wasn't fake enough...
Well, that's it for now...Obviously Danny Boy crapped out his column and mailed it into ESPN today.
Until next time, demand more from your sportswriters!
Now then, on to the show; Today we have:
Boo Hoo, F YOU!
First off, why is Shanoff taking a low blow on NYC when they just lost a bid for the Olympics? It is not as if they did anything wrong. Yet Shanoff writes: Finishing ahead of Moscow is nothing to brag about; getting beat out by Madrid is embarrassing.
It is? Says who? You who doesn't know a thing about the Olympic Selection committee? You who has his head up his own ass? Madrid, by all accounts, put together an excellent proposal but was most likely shot down b/c the summer olympics were recently in Barcelona.
The good news is that you've got four years to figure out a plan; the better news is that you're competing with New York.
You gotta stop hating my friend. I'll be the first to admit that NYC gets way too much hype and there are even better cities on the East coast, but the city does have it going on when it comes to sports, entertainment and hot hot women (Rocke will dispute this point and point to Phoenix). Competing with NYC is not an easy thing to do.
Boasting, should be Roasting,
Quickie readers made an impact in the Lee vs. Pujols last-minute voting surge, and you're encouraged to do it again in the All-Star "Final Man" vote, which ends tonight at 8.
Lets get this straight Jackoff - I think it was most likely the legions of Cubs fans who helped get Lee voted in over Pujols - not your lame excuse for grandstanding. So to think that you will have anything to do with it if Podsednik gets voted in over Jeter is just horse shit.
He then has the gall to write:
Schadenfreud: Wouldn't it be hilarious if the "Face of Baseball" couldn't even win a lousy run-off among All-Star also-rans?
Wait...this is a lousy run-0ff? Then why are you making such a big deal out of it? Didn't you just say a couple of days ago how important it is for fans to vote for these things? Wasn't the Final Man the theme of your entire column yesterday?!?! Dude you're such an idiot that I think my head is about to explode.
And why must you continue to use the word Schadenfreud? And by the way, it is supposed to be spelled Schadenfreude. You call yourself a journalist.
Idiocy by the douchekeg-ful
Forget Willis or Clemens; Nats closer Chad Cordero (30 saves) is the first-half NL Cy Young winner. What?!?! Ok, yes it is possible for a closer to win the Cy Young. But in the last few weeks you have consistently sucked the cocks of both Willis and Clemens, and now you jump on the newst bandwagon and take it in the ass from Cordero? Man you are such a hooker with a penis.
Manny-Greatest Slammer Ever? Hit his 20th last night (3rd of the season) and is only 3 behind Gehrig for tops all time. Ah, what a surprise. Instant history expert Shanoff dubs someone the greatest slammer of all time. But what you must take into consideration is that Manny probably has hundreds of more attempts with the bases loaded than most MLB players, due to the copious amount of talent in front of him. Dubbing him the best slammer ever is like saying that Scottie Pippen is the best basketball player ever. Come to think of it, if Pippen had scored 45/12 on one night, I bet Shanoff would have given him that title.
Would A-Rod actually play for the D.R. over the U.S.? The WBC edge goes to whichever team lands him.
So we can bash A-Rod, and then say that he will be a difference maker if the WBC happens? I think that the WBC will actually come down to how good an entire team is, not one player.
You will make me so angry I will rip your head off
Remember hockey? (No? You don't? Wait: You say you do, but don't care? Gotcha. If so, then reading the following is optional.)
Ok. That is it. I've had it with your lame ass stale jokes about how hockey is irrelevant. This is not the mark of good journalism. This is the mark of someone who makes a judgement about a sport and refuses to change their pea-sized mind about it. Hockey is an excellent sport that just went through a brutal CBA negotiation that will cause the sport to lose many fans. It hurt and it sucked. But what the sport does not have time for is lame assholes like yourself who continue to trash it as it is making extreme progress. I want to see you go out there day in and day out and lace up your skates and got knocked around by guys who weigh 250 lbs. Scared now? Yeah, I thought so. You are a worthless piece of pig intenstine and I hope that your anus is eaten by a 15 foot long python.
Shamless plug of ESPN product
Will the Knicks trade Marbury? Should they? Chad Ford's annual summer blueprints are yet another reason you should be an Insider.
As if Insider isn't pimped enough on ESPN.com. Now this piece of cockroach dung is advertising it on his column. As if you're column wasn't fake enough...
Well, that's it for now...Obviously Danny Boy crapped out his column and mailed it into ESPN today.
Until next time, demand more from your sportswriters!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The Daily Suckie - July 5th, 2005
Hello kids. I hope you all had a great 4th of July weekend. Seeing how it is not a holiday anymore, this means we are treated to yet another steaming pile of excrement known as The Daily Quickie. Unfortunately for us, that means we need to subject ourselves to reading and critiquing it. In today Quickie, we have to deal with:
An About Face:
"Who should be NL starter: Willis or Clemens? The stats are a wash; nod to D-Train, who brings more joy."
Funny you should say this, because as I recall a few columns ago, you mentioned your NL pick for starter: "Roger Clemens. Strong comp (Willis, Peavy), but Rocket's ever-shrinking MLB-leading 1.51 ERA (after last night's W) seals the pick." And wasn't it you who also said: "You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan 'Leave-In" Hernandez." Interesting. And why wouldn't Peavy start, seeing how he was coined the best pitcher in the NL by this loser a month ago? Obviously, I can continue with this for days. Just look at any day there has been a great performance by a pitcher, and suddenly you have Danny Boy's choice for an All Star starter or franchise pitcher. And you have got to love the "joy factor" playing a part in the All Star selection process. More joy is a great reason for someone to start in an All Star Game. I really hope they create a measurable statistic of this so it can be employed in the future, because this is seriously important, people. So what have we learned if nothing else? 1. Shanoff has got some cajones to actually have an archive that is accessible to us commoners. It is mighty resourceful when trying to show the hypocrisy and stupidity that permeate his columns. 2. Shanoff is a bandwagoning C-U Next Tuesday (if you don't understand that, ask Paul Silas about it).
Obvious Lack of Knowledge on What the Fuck He is Talking About:
"Losing out on Kobe last summer could be the luckiest break in Clippers franchise history. Now, instead of being saddled with the NBA's most selfish player, the Clips have the flexibility to make a play for Ray Allen. Allen is a near-clone of Kobe, skills-wise, but brings a more team-oriented attitude to the floor, which the Clippers need as much as anything."
Ok everyone, it is time to take a poll. How many of you would rather have Kobe Bryant on your team instead of Ray Allen? All of you? That is what I thought. Ok, another question. How many of you would say Ray Allen's game is a mirror image of Kobe Bryant's? None of you? Yeah, I agree. You don't even need to watch the NBA to know this. Ethiopians who don't even know what basketball is know this. Seriously, what the fuck is this moron babbling about? It is en vogue to hate on Kobe, so he will continue to make ridiculously outlandish claims about this. Ray Allen is a great player, no doubt. Talent wise though, he is not in the same league. Say what you want about Kobe, but he is one of the most complete players the NBA has seen. He may not be the best teammate or best person off the court, but that does not diminish the fact that he is still a good player. On top of this, he brings in people to the arena, which is a lot more than can be said about Ray Allen. You are telling me that the Clippers are at fault for wanting to have one of the top 5 players in this league, someone who brings in huge amounts of revenue, someone who is only 26 years old, and someone with championship experience? Yeah that makes sense. Instead, why not be ecstatic to pay Ray Allen MORE money? He is 4 years older and will no doubt be on the down side of his career a few years into his new contract, he is less versatile, and has only showed in one NBA season (a contract year no less) that he can carry a team. I like Ray Allen as a player and a person, but come on, can you honestly say that signing him to a max contract is even semi-good idea? Luckily though, Danny Boy sees a nice covered bandwagon, and hops aboard to find his answer.
And what is this horseshit about Allen being a Kobe clone? Has he even watched one game of either player? Ray Allen is one of the most prolific shooters in the league, is more effective off the ball, and relies heavily on his jump shot. Does that sound even close to Kobe's game? I guess it doesn't take much to be a clone in Shanoff's world, just as long as they play the same sport. Stay tuned for Danny Boy's next Quickie, when he is tells us that Bo Outlaw is a clone of Tim Duncan.
Stupid Ass Themes:
"Brandon Webb: The anti-Oswalt: Another NL "Final Vote" nominee threw Monday, but gave up 4 ER in 7 IP in an L to St Louis. Chances of winning ASG "Final" fan support? Nil."
I guess this whole "Final vote" is his lame running them of the column today. Based on this little blurb about Brandon Webb's poor performance last night, it looks like Danny Boy is saying he doesn't deserve to be in the all star game because of his performance last night. You really have got to love this guy. At least he takes the whole picture into account before making... ridi...culous...claims...
Waste of Space
"The Big 5"
I have to say, in the history of writing, we have been so lucky to be graced with legendary talents like Shakespeare, Poe, Twain and now Shanoff. His Big 5 list is a masterpiece in modern writing. He must have really been running out of things to say today, as his list talks about an actual interesting and humorous writer's, Bill Simmons, top 5 choices for most untradeable players in the NBA (No Danny, using pieces from his column will not make you a good or funny writer. Sorry). This is really all that you could come up with Danny Boy? Seriously? Not only is this lame beyond belief, but his comments add absolutely nothing. I really don't know what the point of this is. Let's review the gems that he talks about:
1. Tim Duncan: Can't argue with 3 rings - Oh really? You seem to be doing a mighty fine job of arguing against Kobe's three rings, winner. What about when you were ripping Duncan just a few weeks ago for not performing well in the Finals? Why not mention the other things that would make him the #1 choice? Oh that's right, because you don't know what you are talking about, you hack.
2. Amare: Closing in on Duncan's No. 1? - This is some real insight here, folks. I didn't know that the #2 is close to the #1. Luckily, we have Danny Boy here to help us through the mine field that is 1st grade math.
3. Dwyane: Can he be more popular? - I think it is now obvious who came up with the deep thought "If a tree falls in the woods..." question. I am so glad we have Danny Boy here to ask the tough questions we all care about oh so much.
4. LeBron: Will be hotly debated - Gee, that's pretty amazing. I hope you didn't hurt yourself thinking of that one. This is truly a waste of space.
5. KG: See Q It Up for full list - Translation: "I am a no-talent ass clown who has nothing to say about anything, so please go to a link to a good column that I read and give me credit for doing absolutely nothing. Also, I have a large amount of pubic lice."
And with that my friends, I bid you farewell. Adam should be doing his thing tomorrow, and we should be hearing from the elusive Rob by week's end. I will see you next time.
An About Face:
"Who should be NL starter: Willis or Clemens? The stats are a wash; nod to D-Train, who brings more joy."
Funny you should say this, because as I recall a few columns ago, you mentioned your NL pick for starter: "Roger Clemens. Strong comp (Willis, Peavy), but Rocket's ever-shrinking MLB-leading 1.51 ERA (after last night's W) seals the pick." And wasn't it you who also said: "You can have Dontrelle, Clemens, Peavy or Pedro: For now, I'll take innings-eater Livan 'Leave-In" Hernandez." Interesting. And why wouldn't Peavy start, seeing how he was coined the best pitcher in the NL by this loser a month ago? Obviously, I can continue with this for days. Just look at any day there has been a great performance by a pitcher, and suddenly you have Danny Boy's choice for an All Star starter or franchise pitcher. And you have got to love the "joy factor" playing a part in the All Star selection process. More joy is a great reason for someone to start in an All Star Game. I really hope they create a measurable statistic of this so it can be employed in the future, because this is seriously important, people. So what have we learned if nothing else? 1. Shanoff has got some cajones to actually have an archive that is accessible to us commoners. It is mighty resourceful when trying to show the hypocrisy and stupidity that permeate his columns. 2. Shanoff is a bandwagoning C-U Next Tuesday (if you don't understand that, ask Paul Silas about it).
Obvious Lack of Knowledge on What the Fuck He is Talking About:
"Losing out on Kobe last summer could be the luckiest break in Clippers franchise history. Now, instead of being saddled with the NBA's most selfish player, the Clips have the flexibility to make a play for Ray Allen. Allen is a near-clone of Kobe, skills-wise, but brings a more team-oriented attitude to the floor, which the Clippers need as much as anything."
Ok everyone, it is time to take a poll. How many of you would rather have Kobe Bryant on your team instead of Ray Allen? All of you? That is what I thought. Ok, another question. How many of you would say Ray Allen's game is a mirror image of Kobe Bryant's? None of you? Yeah, I agree. You don't even need to watch the NBA to know this. Ethiopians who don't even know what basketball is know this. Seriously, what the fuck is this moron babbling about? It is en vogue to hate on Kobe, so he will continue to make ridiculously outlandish claims about this. Ray Allen is a great player, no doubt. Talent wise though, he is not in the same league. Say what you want about Kobe, but he is one of the most complete players the NBA has seen. He may not be the best teammate or best person off the court, but that does not diminish the fact that he is still a good player. On top of this, he brings in people to the arena, which is a lot more than can be said about Ray Allen. You are telling me that the Clippers are at fault for wanting to have one of the top 5 players in this league, someone who brings in huge amounts of revenue, someone who is only 26 years old, and someone with championship experience? Yeah that makes sense. Instead, why not be ecstatic to pay Ray Allen MORE money? He is 4 years older and will no doubt be on the down side of his career a few years into his new contract, he is less versatile, and has only showed in one NBA season (a contract year no less) that he can carry a team. I like Ray Allen as a player and a person, but come on, can you honestly say that signing him to a max contract is even semi-good idea? Luckily though, Danny Boy sees a nice covered bandwagon, and hops aboard to find his answer.
And what is this horseshit about Allen being a Kobe clone? Has he even watched one game of either player? Ray Allen is one of the most prolific shooters in the league, is more effective off the ball, and relies heavily on his jump shot. Does that sound even close to Kobe's game? I guess it doesn't take much to be a clone in Shanoff's world, just as long as they play the same sport. Stay tuned for Danny Boy's next Quickie, when he is tells us that Bo Outlaw is a clone of Tim Duncan.
Stupid Ass Themes:
"Brandon Webb: The anti-Oswalt: Another NL "Final Vote" nominee threw Monday, but gave up 4 ER in 7 IP in an L to St Louis. Chances of winning ASG "Final" fan support? Nil."
I guess this whole "Final vote" is his lame running them of the column today. Based on this little blurb about Brandon Webb's poor performance last night, it looks like Danny Boy is saying he doesn't deserve to be in the all star game because of his performance last night. You really have got to love this guy. At least he takes the whole picture into account before making... ridi...culous...claims...
Waste of Space
"The Big 5"
I have to say, in the history of writing, we have been so lucky to be graced with legendary talents like Shakespeare, Poe, Twain and now Shanoff. His Big 5 list is a masterpiece in modern writing. He must have really been running out of things to say today, as his list talks about an actual interesting and humorous writer's, Bill Simmons, top 5 choices for most untradeable players in the NBA (No Danny, using pieces from his column will not make you a good or funny writer. Sorry). This is really all that you could come up with Danny Boy? Seriously? Not only is this lame beyond belief, but his comments add absolutely nothing. I really don't know what the point of this is. Let's review the gems that he talks about:
1. Tim Duncan: Can't argue with 3 rings - Oh really? You seem to be doing a mighty fine job of arguing against Kobe's three rings, winner. What about when you were ripping Duncan just a few weeks ago for not performing well in the Finals? Why not mention the other things that would make him the #1 choice? Oh that's right, because you don't know what you are talking about, you hack.
2. Amare: Closing in on Duncan's No. 1? - This is some real insight here, folks. I didn't know that the #2 is close to the #1. Luckily, we have Danny Boy here to help us through the mine field that is 1st grade math.
3. Dwyane: Can he be more popular? - I think it is now obvious who came up with the deep thought "If a tree falls in the woods..." question. I am so glad we have Danny Boy here to ask the tough questions we all care about oh so much.
4. LeBron: Will be hotly debated - Gee, that's pretty amazing. I hope you didn't hurt yourself thinking of that one. This is truly a waste of space.
5. KG: See Q It Up for full list - Translation: "I am a no-talent ass clown who has nothing to say about anything, so please go to a link to a good column that I read and give me credit for doing absolutely nothing. Also, I have a large amount of pubic lice."
And with that my friends, I bid you farewell. Adam should be doing his thing tomorrow, and we should be hearing from the elusive Rob by week's end. I will see you next time.
Friday, July 01, 2005
The Daily Suckie - July 1st, 2005
Well, it's a new month, but the same old chance to castrate Shanoff for his ridiculous daily column entitled The Daily Quickie (see the link on the left as usze).
Like always, Shanoff tends to exaggerate some points and make others miniscule for the sake of his argument, ignoring the actual FACTS - something they teach you from day one in journalism school. Much like today:
No Stars? No Nash?
Let's get something straight. And no, I dont mean you Shanoff. It's too late for that buddy. I mean the fact that last season and off-season, Steve Nash was NOT considered a big grab by the Suns. Yes, he was a skilled player, but as of a year ago, NO one, not even the almight Dan Shanoff (yes, that is sarcasm for you folks at home) could have predicted that Nash would have the MVP season he ended up having. So please, dont say he was a huge pickup in the freeagent grab last season. And on that note - who knowS? Maybe Michael Redd or Ray Allen could be cut from the same mold as NAsh was last season. These are skilled players who could just make things go right for whatever team they join (especially Ray Ray and Lebron - that would be a nice combo).
Taking all the credit
What a surprise - Derrek Lee starts charging towards Pujols near the end of the Allstar voting, and Douchekeg allstar shanoff mentions that people should vote for them, and then takes the credit when it appears that Lee has surpassed Pujols in allstar voting at 1b. Gimme a break...you had nothing to do with this you bongwater laden piece of crap. As Rocke predicted correctly yesterday, Shanoff once again attempts to massage his massive ego.
Tice is Right
Yes, Tice screwed up, and the fine is worth it. But he should not be fired, unlike you have said in your Quickie. If anything, that would punish his players and therefore fans more than scalping tickets did. In the NFL, you need to have a consistent coaching staff who can implement their style (see Eagles and Pats) for many years to be a contender. By firing Tice, you would throw the Vikings into even MORE turmoil this season. Bad idea Jackoff.
What?
Like a new co-worker who invites you to his sick summer house in the Hamptons, ACC newbie Boston College might get the league tourney held at Fenway.
huh? Host what? Basketball? Football? You really think they'd play football on the hallowed grounds of Fenway? And who thinks this sentence he wrote makes any sense? Anyone? Bueller? No? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Well, like many people in this world, I'm gonna take it easy on this friday before a threeday weekend. yeah!
have a happy fourth and we'll be back on Tuesday, where we will surely find more and more holes in the writing of Dan Shanoff and many other horrific sportswriters.
Light some fireworks and drink some beers!
Like always, Shanoff tends to exaggerate some points and make others miniscule for the sake of his argument, ignoring the actual FACTS - something they teach you from day one in journalism school. Much like today:
No Stars? No Nash?
Let's get something straight. And no, I dont mean you Shanoff. It's too late for that buddy. I mean the fact that last season and off-season, Steve Nash was NOT considered a big grab by the Suns. Yes, he was a skilled player, but as of a year ago, NO one, not even the almight Dan Shanoff (yes, that is sarcasm for you folks at home) could have predicted that Nash would have the MVP season he ended up having. So please, dont say he was a huge pickup in the freeagent grab last season. And on that note - who knowS? Maybe Michael Redd or Ray Allen could be cut from the same mold as NAsh was last season. These are skilled players who could just make things go right for whatever team they join (especially Ray Ray and Lebron - that would be a nice combo).
Taking all the credit
What a surprise - Derrek Lee starts charging towards Pujols near the end of the Allstar voting, and Douchekeg allstar shanoff mentions that people should vote for them, and then takes the credit when it appears that Lee has surpassed Pujols in allstar voting at 1b. Gimme a break...you had nothing to do with this you bongwater laden piece of crap. As Rocke predicted correctly yesterday, Shanoff once again attempts to massage his massive ego.
Tice is Right
Yes, Tice screwed up, and the fine is worth it. But he should not be fired, unlike you have said in your Quickie. If anything, that would punish his players and therefore fans more than scalping tickets did. In the NFL, you need to have a consistent coaching staff who can implement their style (see Eagles and Pats) for many years to be a contender. By firing Tice, you would throw the Vikings into even MORE turmoil this season. Bad idea Jackoff.
What?
Like a new co-worker who invites you to his sick summer house in the Hamptons, ACC newbie Boston College might get the league tourney held at Fenway.
huh? Host what? Basketball? Football? You really think they'd play football on the hallowed grounds of Fenway? And who thinks this sentence he wrote makes any sense? Anyone? Bueller? No? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Well, like many people in this world, I'm gonna take it easy on this friday before a threeday weekend. yeah!
have a happy fourth and we'll be back on Tuesday, where we will surely find more and more holes in the writing of Dan Shanoff and many other horrific sportswriters.
Light some fireworks and drink some beers!
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Our First Guest Column...
Avid reader Billy M. has been a big supporter of us here at TSD, and we feel that we should reward him, as he has his head on straight (ie: he thinks like we do). He wrote a really good blasting of another Skip Bayless article on the NBA Draft, but it was way too long to publish. Instead, here is his glowing review of Bayless' "Join the Men" column ...
I just read Skip Bayless' latest article, and he is about as easy to criticize as Dan Shanoff. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bayless/050624
Like, Bayless offers these ridiculous hypothetical suggestions and solutions; he honestly cannot believe most of what he writes.
After basically reminding us of every reason America doesn't love to watch Annika every week- simply put, she's not overly attractive (Skip even says she's a little too masculine) and she is a WOMAN GOLFER. Come on now.
Then, he brings up his ridiculous suggestions that will never happen, that even if she took his advice she would probably fail and prove Skip to be wrong and worst of all his arguments are almost always based on nothing but some stupid situation he imagined.
Take the end of this article:
Only, I think she could do more than make cuts.
If she committed full-time to the men's tour for two years, I believe she could win a tournament. She's that good.
I say go for it, Annika. Do it the right way. Go to Q-School in the fall and earn your PGA card. Work through the first-tournament jitters. Let the hype die down. See if you can relax and win.
OK Skip, YOU think she could do well! You've already proven that you're a moron and that all your arguments are always based on "information someone close to the team or the athlete told you." In other words, your opinions are always based on some mysterious insider. In that case, why would your opinion about sports ever matter? You think Annika could do more than make cuts? Good for you dipshit! What might you base this on? You're an asshole who thinks up ridiculous suggestions and then somehow get paid by ESPN to share them.
What a waste of a column. There is no way Annika is gonna give up two years of her career (especially considering she is already at least 35 years old) to go to Q-school and try to join the men's PGA tour. Further, she has expressed no desire to do so. After she didn't make the cut at the colonial she said she is going back to where she belongs with the women; She hasn't publicly said that she has any urge to join the men again. So why is this news, what do you think has changed in her? If she hasn't expressed any desire to play in another tournament with men, this hypothetical speculation is a waste of time. There is no place for these absurd articles.
I just read Skip Bayless' latest article, and he is about as easy to criticize as Dan Shanoff. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bayless/050624
Like, Bayless offers these ridiculous hypothetical suggestions and solutions; he honestly cannot believe most of what he writes.
After basically reminding us of every reason America doesn't love to watch Annika every week- simply put, she's not overly attractive (Skip even says she's a little too masculine) and she is a WOMAN GOLFER. Come on now.
Then, he brings up his ridiculous suggestions that will never happen, that even if she took his advice she would probably fail and prove Skip to be wrong and worst of all his arguments are almost always based on nothing but some stupid situation he imagined.
Take the end of this article:
Only, I think she could do more than make cuts.
If she committed full-time to the men's tour for two years, I believe she could win a tournament. She's that good.
I say go for it, Annika. Do it the right way. Go to Q-School in the fall and earn your PGA card. Work through the first-tournament jitters. Let the hype die down. See if you can relax and win.
OK Skip, YOU think she could do well! You've already proven that you're a moron and that all your arguments are always based on "information someone close to the team or the athlete told you." In other words, your opinions are always based on some mysterious insider. In that case, why would your opinion about sports ever matter? You think Annika could do more than make cuts? Good for you dipshit! What might you base this on? You're an asshole who thinks up ridiculous suggestions and then somehow get paid by ESPN to share them.
What a waste of a column. There is no way Annika is gonna give up two years of her career (especially considering she is already at least 35 years old) to go to Q-school and try to join the men's PGA tour. Further, she has expressed no desire to do so. After she didn't make the cut at the colonial she said she is going back to where she belongs with the women; She hasn't publicly said that she has any urge to join the men again. So why is this news, what do you think has changed in her? If she hasn't expressed any desire to play in another tournament with men, this hypothetical speculation is a waste of time. There is no place for these absurd articles.
The Daily Suckie - June 30th, 2005
Sorry about the brief hiatus there. We here at TSD were a tad unorganized this week, so blame that on us. We will be better about this in the future or else... Anyway, on to yet another review of the diarreah inducing Daily Quickie. Today, we are forced to reckon with:
Some More Bad Jokes:
"Waking up and spending a morning with Maria ... Yes, dear, there IS another woman. (Oh, don't look at me like that; you'd say the same thing.) "
It wouldn't be the Quickie without some really dumb jokes. Luckily, Danny Boy starts his column off with this forehand winner. Actually Dan, I would never even think of saying something so lame. Thanks though.
A Possible Ego Trip:
"'Quick the Vote!'... With that small of a gap, Daily Quickie readers can be the difference-maker this year for our 2005 Instant History MLB MVP. Then, finally, when Lee pulls ahead to win the starting spot, we can claim it was our effort that tipped it. Think of your bragging rights!"
If you don't see where this is going, then my friends, you are one of the lucky ones who has never read a Daily Quickie. Do I think Derrek Lee deserves to start at First Base at the ASG? Yes. Will I vote for him? No way in hell. Not after Danny boy here put this into his column. If Lee somehow pulls off the win here, Shanoff will throw himself a parade and talk about this for months (or even years seeing how pathetic his existence is). Let's forget about the fact that the Quickie has at best a few thousand readers. Maybe some of them even like this moron. If Lee pulls out the victory, it won't be because of the readers or Douchebagoff. So my friends, just say no. This guy does not need the satisfaction.
Yet Another Historic Event:
"When the lock top pick of next year's NBA Draft commits to come to play basketball for a school, it's the Best. Class. Ever. 'Fab One?' Greg Oden is the best prep center prospect since Mourning or O'Neal (or even Ewing). He alone makes a great recruiting class"
It is a new day, so thusly, we are treated to yet another "Best ever". This time, one person makes the best recruiting class in college basketball history. Yeah, that makes sense. I am guarenteeing you this asshat has never even seen a highlight of Oden, let alone seen him play, yet he is going to tell us that he constitutes the best recruiting class ever by himself. Maybe he could make a case that Ohio State's recruiting class is the best ever for bringing in three other top 50 recruits, which he mentions in the next sentence. Nope. All it took was Greg Oden to make it the best ever. Huh?! Can you for once not try to make every bit of sports news some historic event you herpes-ridden twat?
Mastabatory Self Promotion:
"Today on ESPN.com: Quickie Live, Draft Fashion Review, Sneaker Bracket"
I find it interesting that the three main things that are happening on ESPN today are TDQ Live (hosted by the cumrag himself), the Draft Fashion Review (guess who wrote this one? Looks like Danny Boy is trying to justify all of those jokes that he like de cack), and Sneaker bracket (the lame ass brainstorm of who else?). Why focus on articles about the NBA Draft or Free Agency, Baseball, or whatever else when we can have such wonderful sports topics of clothes and shoes. In case you didn't know, Danny boy actually has a vagina. Way to jerk yourself off, winner.
That just about does it, friends. Sorry it wasn't that long like most of the NBA Draft picks according to ESPN's Jay Bilas and Chad Ford. We will be back tomorrow with who knows doing this. If we don't get any help, it may just be me again (insert excitement here). Later homeslices.
Some More Bad Jokes:
"Waking up and spending a morning with Maria ... Yes, dear, there IS another woman. (Oh, don't look at me like that; you'd say the same thing.) "
It wouldn't be the Quickie without some really dumb jokes. Luckily, Danny Boy starts his column off with this forehand winner. Actually Dan, I would never even think of saying something so lame. Thanks though.
A Possible Ego Trip:
"'Quick the Vote!'... With that small of a gap, Daily Quickie readers can be the difference-maker this year for our 2005 Instant History MLB MVP. Then, finally, when Lee pulls ahead to win the starting spot, we can claim it was our effort that tipped it. Think of your bragging rights!"
If you don't see where this is going, then my friends, you are one of the lucky ones who has never read a Daily Quickie. Do I think Derrek Lee deserves to start at First Base at the ASG? Yes. Will I vote for him? No way in hell. Not after Danny boy here put this into his column. If Lee somehow pulls off the win here, Shanoff will throw himself a parade and talk about this for months (or even years seeing how pathetic his existence is). Let's forget about the fact that the Quickie has at best a few thousand readers. Maybe some of them even like this moron. If Lee pulls out the victory, it won't be because of the readers or Douchebagoff. So my friends, just say no. This guy does not need the satisfaction.
Yet Another Historic Event:
"When the lock top pick of next year's NBA Draft commits to come to play basketball for a school, it's the Best. Class. Ever. 'Fab One?' Greg Oden is the best prep center prospect since Mourning or O'Neal (or even Ewing). He alone makes a great recruiting class"
It is a new day, so thusly, we are treated to yet another "Best ever". This time, one person makes the best recruiting class in college basketball history. Yeah, that makes sense. I am guarenteeing you this asshat has never even seen a highlight of Oden, let alone seen him play, yet he is going to tell us that he constitutes the best recruiting class ever by himself. Maybe he could make a case that Ohio State's recruiting class is the best ever for bringing in three other top 50 recruits, which he mentions in the next sentence. Nope. All it took was Greg Oden to make it the best ever. Huh?! Can you for once not try to make every bit of sports news some historic event you herpes-ridden twat?
Mastabatory Self Promotion:
"Today on ESPN.com: Quickie Live, Draft Fashion Review, Sneaker Bracket"
I find it interesting that the three main things that are happening on ESPN today are TDQ Live (hosted by the cumrag himself), the Draft Fashion Review (guess who wrote this one? Looks like Danny Boy is trying to justify all of those jokes that he like de cack), and Sneaker bracket (the lame ass brainstorm of who else?). Why focus on articles about the NBA Draft or Free Agency, Baseball, or whatever else when we can have such wonderful sports topics of clothes and shoes. In case you didn't know, Danny boy actually has a vagina. Way to jerk yourself off, winner.
That just about does it, friends. Sorry it wasn't that long like most of the NBA Draft picks according to ESPN's Jay Bilas and Chad Ford. We will be back tomorrow with who knows doing this. If we don't get any help, it may just be me again (insert excitement here). Later homeslices.
